Help needed with my 10year old daughter

Hi Sarah

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - child mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Sarah,

I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sending you a big hug this morning, I can hear how distressed and upset you are by your daughters current behaviour, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. How are you feeling today?

It sounds like a lot has gone on for your daughter these last few years with the news of her biological father, the breakdown of your marriage and the separation from her father who has been raising her. I wonder Sarah, does your daughter have any any mental health support in place for any of this? At 10 children become aware of so much more and added to that the upcoming transitions of school it can be overwhelming. I will link the info for a child mental health support service CAMHS which your daughter's school will be able to help you refer too if you mention what you have here. Guide to CAMHS | Mental Health Services | YoungMinds

Also, you sounds like you are mentally and physically exhausted as a family yourselves, do you have support in place for your own wellbeing? Family Lives are a great free source of support who provide live chat and advice if you would like to connect with them. They support the family needs as a whole unit, Parenting and Family Support - Family Lives (Parentline Plus) | Family Lives

Family Action do the same thing too,

Family Support Services - Family Action (family-action.org.uk)

I know some of our community members will be able to relate to dealing with challenging situations with their children also so hopefully they will be along shortly to offer their own help too.

Do come back and chat some more Sarah, let us know if we can assist you further.

Take care of yourself,

Emma

Hi Sarah G,

I’m sorry to hear this.

You and your daughter desperately need some form of therapy. Every day of upset is another session in the therapy room so the sooner you get on that the better.

But right now and every moment on, what your daughter needs more than anything is your empathy.

She needs your compassion and sincerety. Being around 8 years old when who we are begins transition into someone new is a really tough time, especially for girls. They’re already grappling (even if they don’t know it) with who they are, their identity is already in question, doubts about their environment are already on the table. And unfortunately, your daughter got handed notice that she has been betrayed. And to really rub it in, the guy who’s claimed to make it all ok, is sending the message that she doesn’t matter.

This is a monumental trauma for her.

She’s angry. She cannot see reason in your decision just now. She needs to feel safe and know that she can trust her mum because her whole world came crashing down and she holds you accountable because you lied to her which means she doesn’t know who she is and she can’t find out because her father died and how can she fully understand any of her grief if she didn’t know him?

She really needs you to show her all your love, patience and remorse and ask her if she wants more information. Give her details to help her paint a picture.

Get into her shoes. Life for her is *****, it’s scary and she’s feeling alone. She needs to know and be reminded regularly that you and her siblings love her so she starts to feel worthy.

I’ll certainly pray for you Mama, sending you strength ☮️💪❤️

Thank you for your reply. My daughter knows everything about her dad and his family, she has everything of his that I had. I answer all questions, we talk, we have pictures up. She has told me she understands why I didn't tell her straight away.

But I don't think all her behaviour is down to this.

Thank you