Please can anyone help me

31 answers /

Last post: 16/04/2023 at 8:04 pm

IMOGEN D(13)
Imogen D(13)
10/04/2023 at 9:10 pm

Last year I fell pregnant with my first child and social services became involved because I was living at home with my parents and my room was messy and so was the kitchen and the midwife I had rang social services.They told us we couldn't live at my parents house because it was unsuitable and they put my daughters name on the child protection register under the categories of physical harm and neglect. Just because my grandfather's stuff was cluttering the house because he recently died and my mum was sorting his things out.


I agreed to move into my boyfriends flat when she was born as I was willing to do what it takes to keep her .


The social worker kept putting lies into her report and when we confronted her about them she dismissed it and moved on.


They took it to PLO and said that my boyfriends flat wasn't ready Even though we were told by professionals it was fine. Then they told us the day before I gave birth that we had to move 2 hours away from home and live with a Foster carer.


I gave birth and was in hospital for 3 days and then they took us to the placement. While we were on the way the social worker told us that the plan had changed and our baby wasnt allowed to sleep in the room with us like we agreed , i was devastated. I was in agony the whole way because of my stitches And when we got there I couldn't sit down so I had to stand up to breastfeed. As soon as Ias got there I was told I had to do loads of chores but every time I did something I was told I wasn't doing anything and that my partner was doing everything even though I was doing the chores and I was breastfeeding .

I didn't have any time to recover from the birth and I developed an infection because of this but social services put it down to poor personal hygiene.

I wasn't allowed to see my family or friends and when I tried to text them I would get told off. The whole time I was there I felt like I was walking on eggshells with this woman and as a result of this my mental health suffered to the point I was put in a crisis bed in mental health hospital for the night. The next day the carer told me I could visit my family for a few days so I went home and I was pumping while I was away to keep my supply up but while I was away I was getting into trouble because I was away for too long even though I was only home for a couple of days after being gone for a month. When I got back I found that they had started bottle feeding my baby and when I tried to breastfeed again they told me I couldn't because it was cruel because I wouldn't have enough milk for her. I spoke to the midwife and she said I could do both until my supply had gone back up but the carer wouldn't let me.

I was told I had to wake up at night when my baby needed feeding but I wasn't allowed to feed her I just had to watch.

I had to go back home because I had a hospital appointment and as I was on the train the social worker rang me and told me the carer had given me a 7 days notice. So I had to go home and leave my baby and my partner. A few days later my partner decided he couldn't do it on his own and came home and the Foster carer told social services she wanted to Foster my baby but me and my partner disagreed and instead she was placed with someone alot closer to home. We were told we were allowed to see her 3 times a week in a contact centre.

After this all happened my mental health deteriorated and I started using ketamine and mdma. This made things a lot worse and so did the fact that we couldn't sleep at night so we slept all day and would sometimes miss contact. They took it to court and the judge said all the risks were at threshold. Even though their concerns were past drug use and mental health issues. I stopped taking drugs and drinking when I found out I was pregnant and it wasn't like I was doing them all the time I took them now and again at parties. The mental health issues were suicide attempts, nothing that would have affected my parenting because my baby gave me a reason to live but they wouldn't listen. They just thought that the smallest bit of stress would make me attempt to take my own life which I would never do now If I was a mum.

The court asked for a drug test which I agreed to and when I got the results back it said I had been taking ketamine and mdma while I was pregnant which wasn't true at all. They've taken my baby with no good reason and they've also said I'm not allowed to be alone with my nephew or my friends kids as if I've ever done something to hurt a child!?

I just want my baby because they're pretty much saying if I have any more kids they'll be taken off me.

If any of you can please help I will be forever in your debt. I've emailed the mp and I've tried to complain but nothing has worked.

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LINDA P(124)
Linda P(124)
11/04/2023 at 12:39 am

Best way is to stop using any drugs and evidence you are off them. There are various tests that can pin point time frames for ketamine some a few weeks and some up to a year previously. Start off with getting your system clean and healthy by seeing a doctor to get support in place. Deal with one problem at a time. Sorry can not advise you on the other issues.

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IMOGEN D(13)
Imogen D(13)
11/04/2023 at 3:16 am
In answer to
Linda P(124)

Best way is to stop using any drugs and evidence you are off them. There are various tests that can pin point time frames for ketamine some a few weeks and some up to a year previously. Start off with getting your system clean and healthy by seeing a doctor to get support in place. Deal with one problem at a time. Sorry can not advise you on the other issues.

Hello, thank you for your advice, I've already stopped most things it's just cannabis. I was told by a doctor that over 10% of parents smoke cannabis so that shouldn't be a reason for my baby to be taken away

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GOODLAW
GoodLaw
11/04/2023 at 12:46 pm

Hi Imogen


I am a family solicitor and regularly represent parents in cases involving social services.


I am sorry to hear that you have had a difficult time.


As a parent of a child in care proceedings, you are entitled to free legal advice and representation by a solicitor. You will be able to search for a solicitor online if you do not already have one.


I am not clear whether the care proceedings are still ongoing or whether they have concluded.


The Court has to consider all of the evidence when deciding what is in a child’s best interests. This will include considering whether a parent’s mental health is stable, and whether a parent is using drugs, and the impact of this on their ability to care for their baby.

A drugs test will usually cover a specific period of time, for example a 3 month or 6 month period. It is important to be open and honest about your drug use with professionals so that they may support you. I note that you used substances when your child was removed into foster care and that you felt this made things worse. It is important to ensure that you have appropriate support in place so that you can seek help if/when your mental health deteriorates.


If the proceedings have concluded, it might be helpful to ask your solicitor whether there are any grounds to appeal the Court’s decision.


I wish you all the very best with this.

All the best

Lauren

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GOODLAW
GoodLaw
11/04/2023 at 12:50 pm

The Netmums Parent Supporter Team are also on this board and may come along and offer you their guidance as well


GoodLaw Solicitors LLP are a proud Parent Supporter of Netmums. The information provided does not constitute full legal advice and is legal information based on the details provided only. GoodLaw Solicitors offer free initial consultations in qualifying circumstances and would recommend you seek independent legal advice if you are in any doubt as to your position or best way forward.

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LINDA P(124)
Linda P(124)
11/04/2023 at 1:28 pm

Cannabis is a drug you need to come off.


It not only affects mental health but has a negative effect on young children, their development, their mental health, affects of second hand smoke like asthma. you breath out smoke and cannabis even after finishing a cigarette. You make different decisions and take risks when on cannabis. The effects on young men is even more recognised.

Cannabis is more dangerous than alcohol.


This is about showing your committment to your child and your ability to place your child first by getting rid of all drugs because cannabis affects children in many ways.


It is not acceptable to say others smoke it when you are in this situation. Do what you need to do to eliminate all drugs which is a major achievement in your part.


Children must come first, second and third in every decision you make and cannabis affects your thinking to do this.


Coming off ketamine etc is an achievement but take the next step to becoming clean and healthy.


https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/drugs-and-drug-use/common-drugs/cannabis


Cannabis smoking in pregnancy can affect the child's development, memory and IQ.

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BIANCA C(65)
Bianca C(65)
11/04/2023 at 2:36 pm
In answer to
Imogen D(13)

Hello, thank you for your advice, I've already stopped most things it's just cannabis. I was told by a doctor that over 10% of parents smoke cannabis so that shouldn't be a reason for my baby to be taken away

Whatever you do, do not repeat that to the professionals/those involved in your case. What others do shouldnt concern you, you need to quit and show that you can put your daughters needs before your own.


Without sounding harsh I can see why they took your daughter, however that doesn't mean you can't get her back.

Get a good solicitor and fight as hard as you cab

Good luck

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IMOGEN D(13)
Imogen D(13)
11/04/2023 at 2:43 pm
In answer to
Bianca C(65)

Whatever you do, do not repeat that to the professionals/those involved in your case. What others do shouldnt concern you, you need to quit and show that you can put your daughters needs before your own.


Without sounding harsh I can see why they took your daughter, however that doesn't mean you can't get her back.

Get a good solicitor and fight as hard as you cab

Good luck

There must be something I'm missing, what reason did they take her ? I never harmed her or out her in any danger

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LINDA P(124)
Linda P(124)
11/04/2023 at 4:10 pm

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/c hild-protection-plan-register-statisticcs


It includes the likelihood that the child will suffer in the future by not reaching their potential, being safe, physically healthy and mentally, parents decisions that do not place the child first, the environment and people around the child.


If you were on drugs and continue to be this poses a significant risk to the child.


Get a solicitor and review the information being used. Saying you don't know is not acceptable because there will have been many conversations and reports made along the way to get to this situation.

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BIANCA C(65)
Bianca C(65)
12/04/2023 at 1:30 pm
In answer to
Imogen D(13)

There must be something I'm missing, what reason did they take her ? I never harmed her or out her in any danger

As Linda says, saying you don't know the reason why they took your daughter isn't right, they would have stated the risks you posed to your daughter (neglect, emotional, physical etc) have a look through all paperwork and speak to your solicitor if still unsure.

I'm not saying you haven't had a hard time, but smoking cannabis isn't going to help your mental health, that's a concern- can you see that? You've had previous mental health problems, and instead of using sage coping mechanisms you reach for a drug.......that isn't a safe environment for your daughter.

Do as many programmes offered to you, put yourself on courses (educate yourself if needs be) and try to see it from the SS point of view.

I'm on your side here, but you need to help yourself as well

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LUCY S(1294)
Lucy S(1294)
16/04/2023 at 11:17 am

I’m really sorry that you’re in this situation and my heart goes out to you and your baby but you really need to wake up to the reality of your situation. Instead of making excuses about why this isn’t your fault, just ask social services what you can do to get your daughter back. If you read what you’ve written back to yourself then maybe you can gain some insight because it’s REALLY important to recognise where you’ve gone wrong or you won’t change, you won’t get your daughter back and eventually you may lose rights to her. Get clean, get therapy, turn up to visits and be consistently there for her. If you’re offered support like parenting classes- attend them in a sober state of mind. Do whatever you are told to to get her back, ask social services for a list of conditions/goals you need to meet in order to get her back. That is the best advice, rather than fighting social services and explaining away your behaviour take ownership so you can be the best mum you can be. Your daughter deserves to have you in her life, happy and healthy. I wish you loads of luck, I hope you’re not offended but you are getting in your own way and sometimes the truth is the most helpful x

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JACKIE W(391)
Jackie W(391)
16/04/2023 at 11:20 am

It's a tough one but I'd say as a child of a drug user, you have to give up. Your child doesn't need any drugs in their life.


It doesn't matter who else uses it or what current trends are around all that matters is what you do with your child.


Social services do get a bad name and it's tricky when children are taken away. I now have two estranged brothers, I have no relationship with my mother or father and this is all due to sex and drugs.


When I had my two children I knew I didn't want that cycle to be repeated to drugs, alcohol and affairs were never going to factor into their lives no matter how tempting.


I do hope for all of your sakes you are able to find the strength whilst they are still young enough. Don't leave it and be in a position where you are trying to rebuild damaged relationships.

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HANNAH M(941)
Hannah M(941)
16/04/2023 at 11:22 am
In answer to
Imogen D(13)

There must be something I'm missing, what reason did they take her ? I never harmed her or out her in any danger

What country do you live in and how old are you

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SARAH I(268)
Sarah I(268)
16/04/2023 at 11:26 am
In answer to
Imogen D(13)

There must be something I'm missing, what reason did they take her ? I never harmed her or out her in any danger

If you are using drugs there is a risk you could so that is probably why. If you want your daughter back you need to be clean fully. Could you go to a drug counsellor regularly etc. Make sure your environment is tidy and clean and yourself in all areas. Mental health wise have you got a positive, supportive network of people around you? If not change your circle. I would do all the things you can do, which is the above, when you have done all this then I'd seek a solicitor so you can have proof you have done all that's needed and are willing to do everything and mire to get your baby back. If it is a contact centre to begin with then make sure you turn up early, eager to spend quality time with your child. Then go from there. I wish you all the best.

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TERRI C(158)
Terri C(158)
16/04/2023 at 11:39 am
In answer to
Imogen D(13)

Hello, thank you for your advice, I've already stopped most things it's just cannabis. I was told by a doctor that over 10% of parents smoke cannabis so that shouldn't be a reason for my baby to be taken away

[ over 10% of parents smoke cannabis ] what a load of rubbish. I have three children and I have never ever met anyone who used cannabis as a parent. Sorry but that is just making an excuse, if you want to be a good parent you STOP using any drugs full stop.

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