AIBU to think there is no way to win this with my MIL!!
5 answers /
Last post: 10/04/2023 at 7:36 am
Honestly my MIL is driving me up the wall. She has no comprehension of the fact that everything is changing!
For one my son is getting older. He's 18 this year and has a busy life with college and his part-time job.
She also has a new romance going on and spends all her time with him, but she had an active social life anyway before him.
Her new schedule means that there are now two slots in a week if she isnt busy is either Monday morning or a Saturday morning for visits..thats it!
Monday morning I can't go because I'm working, but my son can pop in before college (not that she is always there if she is on one of her holidays) and Saturday morning isn't always great for us as with my son's life changing, thats sometimes the only slot for us to spend time as a family but it means I very rarely get to see her now.
Phone calls also tend to be sporadic, but this has been a bone of contention for 20 something plus years.
She got a proper flounce on last night because she rarely sees us anymore, but how can we win this one when there are literally two slots a week when we could see her IF she hasnt filled those slots!
There is literally no way we can win this one at all!
Please tell me I'm not the only one with a MIL like this! She just doesn't get that visits from us are going to be less now as everything has changed.
Oh and she is more than capable of driving to us and visiting, but thats another 20 plus years argument!
There is one way you can win this quite easily.
Say to your MIL that unfortunately you won't be able to see her at the times she's available, and that if she is at all bothered about seeing you and your son, she will have to call you to arrange a time to come over.
Give her a list of times when you definitely won't be available, and then leave it with her.
Tell your son it's entirely up to him whether or not he goes to see this woman, and make it clear that he is under no obligation to go there, or to comply to her timetable if it's inconvenient for him.
And let everyone know this is what you're doing, and why you are doing it.
Then let her flounce all she likes and get on with living your life.
The problem seems to be with her as it seems she’s the one with the busy life, so why are you so stressed out about it? If she has two morning ‘slots’ that she’s making herself available for you to visit and these don’t suit you then that’s her lookout. If she’s that bothered she’d be more open to compromising with you. Seems to me she’s putting the blame at your door to ease her own guilt for not making time for her own family.
Who does she think she is...the Queen? Let her fuss and flounce and then point out that she's the one calling the shots so she needs to come to you if she wants to see you. It sounds like she's carried on with her life and filled it nicely and she expects you all to change yours...2 words and one is off. She knows where you are if she wants you.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all in fact you seem to blame yourself a bit .
You are the working busy family whereas she is just an over indulged retiree with her life full from her own choosing .You need to be plain and straight with her ,that you are far busier than her and those two slots aren’t enough for you to see her .She is no doubt just doing something that isn’t as serious as your work commitments and doubtless could stop doing one of her activities if sh wanted to see you all.
However you need your partners backing . he should be thr one who says this to her as she will feel less challenged by him
and as her son it’s his role .