I want to run away and leave my partner and kid but I’ve no options
8 answers /
Last post: 21/03/2023 at 7:47 pm
like in title.
it’s not that I don’t love my kid, but I’m so exhausted by everything that happened to me in the past 3 years.
it started with my mom’s health suddenly declining, finally she suddenly died young. It lead me to failing last year of my studies because I just stopped attending.
Half year after I gave birth to my baby, I didn’t have time to grieve “properly”, everyone expected everything from me. Not long ago also my best friend died very young, and guess what - does anybody care how I feel? No, of course not.
I regret that I even met my partner. He’s not the worst person in the world, but he’s not the best either. I know now that I wouldn’t marry him. It’s only after my mom died I think I realised I just want to be left the f alone. I would love to go back to being single and just mind my own *****.
I wish I could just leave them, I want to go out and never come back. But that will never happen because I’m a living useless piece of… disaster. I can’t get a job and I doubt that will ever change. If I got the job though. I think I’d be gone immediately after my first payout, and never look back.
i’ve been trying to freelance in my field but I honestly feel cheated by the industry, by my school and their promises of how amazing this field would be, I feel like I wasted this education on such a sh!tty field instead of following my heart. They also said how much work there is on the market because in reality it’s so competitive you literally don’t stand a chance as someone like me. Been applying for hundreds of jobs, all kind of jobs not just my industry, but no success. even part time supermarket jobs are rejecting me without given reason.
I don’t even want to go back to my hometown. I imagine just getting rid of everything that holds me, of my responsibilites like having to pay for my dead mom’s flat which remains empty. I’d get rid of it all, and I would just run away to a foreign country where nobody knows me, and honestly at this point I don’t even care if someone would hurt me on the way there or if I’d be smuggled or raped, I really don’t. I just want to get out of this ***** life.
but unfortunately that will never happen, there’s no realistic chance given my circumstances. I could always end my life but drugs that let you do it without pain are too expensive, and I’m too much of a coward to do it painfully.
Hi Lavenza,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi Lavenza,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need
Umm I’m sorry but I don’t think it fits into the category. My mental health problems aren’t related to maternity itself.
Hi Lavenza,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
I hope you don't mind, but I asked the moderators to move your thread across to our Maternal Mental Health board in our drop in clinic, so that I could offer you some support.
Gosh you have been through a lot in the last 3 years - sending gentle hugs your way this morning.
Lavenza, it's hardly surprising that you're feeling so low - anyone would feel the same having gone through what you've described here - it would be overwhelming for anyone to have to deal with!
Can I ask if you have any support around you at all? Any friends, family members or perhaps other mums who you could confide in?
It's really important that you seek some professional help right now. There's lots going on in your life (and in your head) and your GP or perhaps a local mental health team could help you work through these issues so that you can start to focus on ways to gradually help yourself to feel better - how does that sound? They would also be able to make a proper assessment of how things are for you at the moment and perhaps suggest some medication and/or counselling if that was considered appropriate? Did you seek or receive any grief counselling after your mum passed away Lavenza?
There are a number of places you could contact for support and you deserve to access it. If you are feeling suicidal or just want someone to listen to how life feels for you, the Samaritans helpline is open 24/7 on 116 123 and they have other ways you can keep in touch with them. You can find out more including how to access their self help app at: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
I'm also wondering if you've heard of a charity called Home-Start? They provide trained volunteers (who are parents themselves) to visit families at home with children under 5 who may need a little additional support. They could just be another adult for you to offload to or they could go walking with you and your child in the park just to help you clear your head - what do you think? Your GP could refer you or you could contact them directly and find out more about what they do at: https://www.home-start.org.uk/make-a-referral
I'm sorry for all the questions and information Lavenza, but I want you to know that you don't have to keep facing these issues on your own.
The parent supporter team are also here every morning and evening if you find it helpful to chat here.
Come back and tell us how you are and what support you've accessed and we'll try to help in any way we can.
Loraine x
Hi Lavenza,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
I hope you don't mind, but I asked the moderators to move your thread across to our Maternal Mental Health board in our drop in clinic, so that I could offer you some support.
Gosh you have been through a lot in the last 3 years - sending gentle hugs your way this morning.
Lavenza, it's hardly surprising that you're feeling so low - anyone would feel the same having gone through what you've described here - it would be overwhelming for anyone to have to deal with!
Can I ask if you have any support around you at all? Any friends, family members or perhaps other mums who you could confide in?
It's really important that you seek some professional help right now. There's lots going on in your life (and in your head) and your GP or perhaps a local mental health team could help you work through these issues so that you can start to focus on ways to gradually help yourself to feel better - how does that sound? They would also be able to make a proper assessment of how things are for you at the moment and perhaps suggest some medication and/or counselling if that was considered appropriate? Did you seek or receive any grief counselling after your mum passed away Lavenza?
There are a number of places you could contact for support and you deserve to access it. If you are feeling suicidal or just want someone to listen to how life feels for you, the Samaritans helpline is open 24/7 on 116 123 and they have other ways you can keep in touch with them. You can find out more including how to access their self help app at: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
I'm also wondering if you've heard of a charity called Home-Start? They provide trained volunteers (who are parents themselves) to visit families at home with children under 5 who may need a little additional support. They could just be another adult for you to offload to or they could go walking with you and your child in the park just to help you clear your head - what do you think? Your GP could refer you or you could contact them directly and find out more about what they do at: https://www.home-start.org.uk/make-a-referral
I'm sorry for all the questions and information Lavenza, but I want you to know that you don't have to keep facing these issues on your own.
The parent supporter team are also here every morning and evening if you find it helpful to chat here.
Come back and tell us how you are and what support you've accessed and we'll try to help in any way we can.
Loraine x
I don’t have literally anyone. I ghosted my friends when my mom died. I also don’t use GP’s services or anything like that because of my personal choice. I’d rather die than go talk to a GP about my life, I don’t care for their antidepressants and other perscriptions.
I don’t have literally anyone. I ghosted my friends when my mom died. I also don’t use GP’s services or anything like that because of my personal choice. I’d rather die than go talk to a GP about my life, I don’t care for their antidepressants and other perscriptions.
Hi Lavenza,
It's Loraine again. Thank you for coming back and updating us.
So you said 'I'd rather die than go talk to a GP about my life, I don’t care for their antidepressants and other perscriptions' - can I ask why that is Lavenza? Have you had bad experiences in the past? Have you considered changing your GP or the practice you're registered with?
What kinds of things used to make you happy before you started to feel like you do now?
Can I ask how old your child is? Do you do any activities together that you both enjoy?
You've shared an awful lot about your life with us here on Netmums Lavenza - what is it that you're hoping will happen? What would good support look like for you right now?
Hopefully, some of our lovely netmums' community who can relate to how you're feeling, will drop by soon and share their experience and advice with you, but as always we're here to chat if you find it helpful.
Loraine x
Hi Lavenza,
It's Loraine again. Thank you for coming back and updating us.
So you said 'I'd rather die than go talk to a GP about my life, I don’t care for their antidepressants and other perscriptions' - can I ask why that is Lavenza? Have you had bad experiences in the past? Have you considered changing your GP or the practice you're registered with?
What kinds of things used to make you happy before you started to feel like you do now?
Can I ask how old your child is? Do you do any activities together that you both enjoy?
You've shared an awful lot about your life with us here on Netmums Lavenza - what is it that you're hoping will happen? What would good support look like for you right now?
Hopefully, some of our lovely netmums' community who can relate to how you're feeling, will drop by soon and share their experience and advice with you, but as always we're here to chat if you find it helpful.
Loraine x
I guess I just wanted to vent. When I did that on Reddit multiple times, my posts have been automatically deleted. I don’t have anyone to talk to. When I asked on the app “Peanut” for someone to spend time with me, I got a warning that I’m apparently posting inappropriate things.
If my mum would be alive, it would all probably look different. I’d talk to her about all this, but I can’t. I’d finish studies, that I know for sure. Now I really don’t even want to thing about studying the same year in such pointless field again.
I somehow even envy her that she left this world behind. I wish it could be me instead.
As to my child, I sometimes enjoy spending time with him, but so what… I’m with him 24/7, I can’t go pee alone, I’ve got no support from anywhere. I’m currently pregnant because I didn’t want my only son to be alone as I am for his whole life. I’m often starving because after doing all my chores I don’t have strength to cook for myself.
Here I’ve got no friends, no family, no mummy groups, no nothing. I hate my partners family with passion and they hate me too. They’ve been giving me the hardest time freshly after my mum died.
I live in a racist neighbourhood where 13 year olds throw rocks at me when I refuse to buy them alcohol, and there’s no way to get out of this sh1thole.
yes, unfortunately I’ve had plenty bad experiences with medical care not only in the UK but in my home country too. I have a painful chronic illness which doctors never seem to take seriously, they basically just want to push opioids into me.
I don’t have strength or time to even pretend that I consider the doctors advice valuable because I don’t.
Most doctors nowadays only care about making money via their contracts, and I really can’t bother to look for this one person who would be different.
I guess I just wanted to vent. When I did that on Reddit multiple times, my posts have been automatically deleted. I don’t have anyone to talk to. When I asked on the app “Peanut” for someone to spend time with me, I got a warning that I’m apparently posting inappropriate things.
If my mum would be alive, it would all probably look different. I’d talk to her about all this, but I can’t. I’d finish studies, that I know for sure. Now I really don’t even want to thing about studying the same year in such pointless field again.
I somehow even envy her that she left this world behind. I wish it could be me instead.
As to my child, I sometimes enjoy spending time with him, but so what… I’m with him 24/7, I can’t go pee alone, I’ve got no support from anywhere. I’m currently pregnant because I didn’t want my only son to be alone as I am for his whole life. I’m often starving because after doing all my chores I don’t have strength to cook for myself.
Here I’ve got no friends, no family, no mummy groups, no nothing. I hate my partners family with passion and they hate me too. They’ve been giving me the hardest time freshly after my mum died.
I live in a racist neighbourhood where 13 year olds throw rocks at me when I refuse to buy them alcohol, and there’s no way to get out of this sh1thole.
yes, unfortunately I’ve had plenty bad experiences with medical care not only in the UK but in my home country too. I have a painful chronic illness which doctors never seem to take seriously, they basically just want to push opioids into me.
I don’t have strength or time to even pretend that I consider the doctors advice valuable because I don’t.
Most doctors nowadays only care about making money via their contracts, and I really can’t bother to look for this one person who would be different.
Hi Lavenza
I'm Catherine, one of Loraine's colleagues here at Netmums. Thanks for coming back to us and I'm sorry to hear things have been so tough for you. It sounds as if you are feeling low and fed up and perhaps finding the thought of putting yourself out there to meet people or make changes very difficult - would that be right? Lavenza, I wonder have you felt like this in the past or would it have started after you lost your mum?
Often when we have little ones, our needs fall to the bottom of the pile and the things we used to enjoy and have to time to do can disappear too because life is busy. I'm sure lots of our Netmums community will completely agree when you say ' I’m with him 24/7, I can’t go pee alone, I’ve got no support from anywhere' but it sounds as if your mood might be affecting things too. I notice you've said you don't want to speak to your GP but I wonder could you chat to your midwife or health visitor? They are there to look after you, not just the little ones.
Did you get a chance to look at the links Loraine suggested? The Samaritans are available 24/7 to call on 116 123 and their website.
I wonder if you have heard of CRUSE - they are a charity who provide bereavement support and you might find it helpful to link in with them - here is the link: Home - Cruse Bereavement Support . They also have a helpline that you can ring 0808 808 1677.
Hopefully some of our lovely community will be along soon to offer support too
Take care
Catherine