Behaviour at school
5 answers /
Last post: 25/03/2023 at 12:00 am
Hey šš»
I have a 7 year old Son who is bright, smart and busy! Heās generally a great kid, lovely and pleasant, heās a caring and patient big brother and at home and socially, we donāt tend to have any major issues- heās a typical 7yo.
howevef since he started school (this has been going on for a while!) he can get boisterous in the playground, hitting, kicking, pushing etc and over the years has had time out/missed playtimes/been sent to Head Teacher regarding his behaviour. His teachers have always said they do not think heās on any spectrum, as his behaviour is not consistent, there is no pattern to it. They were going to offer some therapy sessions for him to be able to manage/regulate his emotions and his reactiveness. But then they said he was nowhere near meeting criteria for it and there were children with much higher needs.
im so at a loss about how I can or should be supporting him. Weāve had many chats over the years about it. He can go weeks, even months of things going well and then out of the blue heās hit someone. His teacher said at parents evening that the teachers in his year group all really liked him, and look out for him because heās now sort of got this āscapegoatā label where the other children simply blame him for everything because of his past behaviours. He can be loud/daft/silly, call a himself a weirdo etc. which only draws more attention to him. His teacher also said heās smart, always contributes to class activities and heās a lovely boy in general.
i donāt know where all of this leaves my but how can I support him to understand that although feelings of anger and being cross are totally normal, using your hands and feet on others is completely unacceptable.
thank you
Hi Angie,
I'm Katie, a Netmums Parent Supporter.
Thank you for sharing your worries, hopefully other members will soon be able to share their own experiences and offer you some reassurance.
Angie, your son sounds really well liked by his teachers and generally a lovely little boy. It can be incredibly difficult when you notice behavioural changes, which you identify as being caused by his difficulty to manage and regulate his own emotions. This sounds really tough.
Have the teachers offered you any strategies to help him when he feels the need to hit out or kick?
If he can recognise when that anger is beginning to surface, he could use some techniques that you can practice together when he is feeling calm and able to communicate well with you.
It could be that he has a 'safe place' to go to if he feels those emotions growing. So at school, this could be with a particular teacher, or a part of the classroom where he could read for 5 minutes. At home, that could be a book corner or perhaps you could have some colours and a colouring book by the dining room table for when he recognises he is feeling angry or overwhelmed. You could also couple this up with a reward chart, so each time he turns to the colouring book to calm himself down, he receives a reward point.
Creating a plan with him, so that he can take control of the situation, will mean he is more likely to use the technique when those moments arise.
Teaching him a breathing exercise could also be helpful. Asking him to put his hand on his tummy and feeling his tummy expand as he takes a deep breathe in through his nose, and then breathing out all of the negative feelings through his mouth.
Hopefully other members will be along soon to share some tips with you here.
If you would like to talk to the Parent Supporters a little more, please feel welcome to start a post over on the Child Mental Health board and we can chat with you there.
Child mental health - Netmums Forum
Katie x
Has he been assessed for adhd or autism in these cases it is impulse and boys being boys are rough and tough I have 4 myself ! They copy our behaviour also so if there is any domestic violence history this could also be this manifesting ! He's not able at 7 to completely understand my best parenting skill is ignoring the behaviour do not shout (I've learnt my own lessons from this ) it makes it worse !!! Seek help at school my son has adhd and autistic traits and he was very similar xx
Also from experience school is a different place to home children behave differently at school and home !
Hi, I can hear how your son behaves at home with you as you said he is a great big brother and sounds like no problems. However sometimes home life is different to school life. If he is struggling school and not at home then something is wrong. He may feel over whelmed or just struggling class. Don't allow them to put you on the back burner, this is your child who deserves everything, push the school, every child should be treated the same. Do not allow them to fob you off, if they talk yo you at your childs door about the behaviour then follow it up with an email the schools general email address so something can be put in place. Remember if you say something to the teacher always follow up with an email, if you don't say anything just type an email up stating what was discussed at the door. I hate to say it but its all evidence. Sometimes certain schools just want to pass the buck and not except that they aren't helping your child. Remember you are your child's advocate, you are their voice. Stand up when you know they aren't helping. If you don't do this then who will xxx