Advice needed please

12 answers /

Last post: 08/04/2023 at 9:10 pm

Gemma M(1408)

07/04/2023 at 8:38 pm

This is all a bit crazy but basically nearly 3 yrs ago I caught my daughters father out, he'd been having an affair for a year. Obviously underestimated me lol but gladly I found out and left him. My daughter was only 6 at the time but she's very switched on so I was honest with her without divulging into details. I was very amicable with her father and never stopped contact. There have been numerous times that I've had to get police involved as he was threatening me and hurt me physically on once occasion. He's a very angry hot headed person but didn't really show this side in front of my daughter. Still after these incidents I still allowed contact. He was happy to see her 6 times max a month. Constantly telling her lies and letting her down. Prioritising golf and night out over her. Then in November 22 when he had her for a fortnightly sleepover she woke after 11pm and he'd left her alone leaving her absolutely traumatised. He'd been away for at least 90mins. After that night when myself and my parents collected her as thankfully I've bought her a phone and she called us in a state we got over and collected her and then he contacted to say he'd left to grab a pizza. Lies. But I rang police who passed it onto to social services and they advised keeping her away from him. She didn't want to speak to him or see him for wks but close to Christmas said she'd meet him for an hour as long as my dad accompanied her on the visit. Before that first meeting he'd the cheek to send my a solicitors letter. Obviously hadn't told them why he wasn't seeing her. But slowly we built up a few hrs a week visitation then on 4th march he left to work in Spain for a month and I've just heard he's home and smashed his cousins house windows in yesterday and had been arrested. He was also arrested for multipl driving offences last winter. Have I any right to stop him for trying to see my daughter. This has all caused her immense stress and anxiety. He's not mentally stable to have a relationship with her. I need advice I'm at my wit's end. I am so afraid of him turning up at my house

Linda P(124)

07/04/2023 at 10:38 pm

Get some advice from SS

Gemma M(1408)

07/04/2023 at 10:43 pm

In answer to

Linda P(124)

Get some advice from SS

Thank you for your reply. I've found SS to be very unhelpful. I rang them after him leaving her alone after it being passed on from the police and the info was all incorrect. I then chased the police officers for weeks to have the details corrected as it was all recorded with their cameras and got nowhere. my dad contacted someone high up in the police who never responded. Seems like nobody wants to help or support.

Jim J(15)

07/04/2023 at 11:25 pm

Thank you for at least trying to come to an amicable agreement with her father.

that said, from what you have stated he is a bad person. An aggressive man with what he sees as a weapon to use against you.

run fast Gemma, run far.

Gemma M(1408)

07/04/2023 at 11:37 pm

In answer to

Jim J(15)

Thank you for at least trying to come to an amicable agreement with her father.

that said, from what you have stated he is a bad person. An aggressive man with what he sees as a weapon to use against you.

run fast Gemma, run far.

I never wanted to be seen as the woman that uses the child as a weapon and I've tried so hard to support the relationship but it's got to the point now that I need to protect my daughter at all costs and no allow this excuse of a man to mess with her beautiful mind any longer. She's a dream, so confident and smart. I find it shocking how anyone could behave that way. I got my amazing daughter out of it, would do it all over again to have her. She'll always my number one priority. It's tough but people are going through much worse. I am a strong person and leading by example but also teaching her that it's ok to feel sad and cry. It's not a weakness to show emotion. Gets us all.

gu c

08/04/2023 at 8:45 am

Hi Gemma,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships board, so you can get the advice and support you need

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Gemma M(1408)

08/04/2023 at 9:44 am

In answer to

gu c

Hi Gemma,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships board, so you can get the advice and support you need

Thank you 😊

Emma P(906)92272

08/04/2023 at 10:29 am

Hi Gemma,

I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us, it sounds extremely challenging and upsetting for you and your daughter. I'm glad to see you have some responses from our other lovely community members already.

You mentioned Social Services have been unhelpful which is a shame, we have a partnership with GoodLaw here on Netmums. If you would like to post on that thread you can gain some legal advise on your grounds and what is possible. I'll link it here for you, Social services - Netmums Forum

Netmums announces partnership with GoodLaw Solicitors - Netmums

Another service who are extremely helpful in this situation are Womens Aid, especially if you are concerned for you at your daughters safety at this time. They can offer free help via a chatline or online if you would like to connect with them, Home - Women's Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

You sound like a wonderfully caring Mum and quite rightly want to protect your daughter from anything harmful. Does your daughter have any mental health support whilst navigating this time with her Dad Gemma? Young Minds are a brilliant charity offering mental health support for young people going through such situations, here is their link. Mental Health Support For Young People | YoungMinds

Are you feeling supporting in this also? Make sure you lean out to loved one's and friends at this time so you have the strength to be giving as much as you are right now.

Do come back and let us know how you are getting on,

Take care,

Emma

Gemma M(1408)

08/04/2023 at 11:06 am

In answer to

Emma P(906)92272

Hi Gemma,

Netmums announces partnership with GoodLaw Solicitors - Netmums

Are you feeling supporting in this also? Make sure you lean out to loved one's and friends at this time so you have the strength to be giving as much as you are right now.

Do come back and let us know how you are getting on,

Take care,

Emma

Thank you for your reply. It's very helpful. I will contact that solicitor for advice.

I do feel my daughter could use some mental health support. She is a very happy confident girl but I truly think deep down it is affecting her and giving her anxiety.

Heard my door knocking there and it makes me feel sick incase it's my ex. Thankfully it was only the post man.

I need to get legal advice and keep my ex away from us.

Thank you

Gemma

Kayleigh W(312)

08/04/2023 at 6:44 pm

In answer to

Gemma M(1408)

Thank you for your reply. It's very helpful. I will contact that solicitor for advice.

I do feel my daughter could use some mental health support. She is a very happy confident girl but I truly think deep down it is affecting her and giving her anxiety.

Heard my door knocking there and it makes me feel sick incase it's my ex. Thankfully it was only the post man.

I need to get legal advice and keep my ex away from us.

Thank you

Gemma

Hi Gemma,

I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums working with Emma. I’m sorry to hear that this has left you feeling uneasy at home. It sounds like it has understandably had an impact on both you and your daughter and you need support to move forward. I’m glad to hear you are going to get in touch on our legal and social services boards. If you would like to speak to someone over the phone, Rights of Women have an advice line here: https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

There are closed for the bank holiday unfortunately but reopen on Tuesday

Wishing you all the best,

Kayleigh

Can't find your answer?

Gemma M(1408)

08/04/2023 at 6:49 pm

In answer to

Kayleigh W(312)

Hi Gemma,

There are closed for the bank holiday unfortunately but reopen on Tuesday

Wishing you all the best,

Kayleigh

Today has been awful..my ex rang my dad questioning why he couldn't get InTouch with my daughter. Threatened coming to my house and my daughter was in a state. He was calling my dad all sorts and he's nearly 70.

I rang the police and they aren't long away. They've rang my ex and told him to stay away and go to a solicitor.

Never ending.

Thank you for your reply

Gemma

Kayleigh W(312)

08/04/2023 at 9:10 pm

In answer to

Gemma M(1408)

I rang the police and they aren't long away. They've rang my ex and told him to stay away and go to a solicitor.

Never ending.

Thank you for your reply

Gemma

Hi Gemma,

Kayleigh again from the parent supporter team. Sending you a big hug, I imagine this was really frightening for all of you and you did the right thing in contacting the police. I hope you are left feeling supported after they spoke with you in person. Hearing from the police will hopefully alert your ex to the seriousness of this situation and push him to approach this differently.

If you do hear anymore from him, do not hesitate to contact the police again, you do not deserve to feel threatened.

After such a difficult evening I hope you do find some time to take care of yourself

Take care,

Kayleigh