Eating habits

Most kids do this mine are 11,5 and 4. My 5 year old has adhd he's very fussy I do repeat most meals the ones he will eat so it's always like pizza. Or hot dogs or very bland things I make a picky plate with sections so pizza in one cut up cucumber in others. Fruit cut up in another and a yoghurt so has different options. But anything a bit different I'll put ketchup on so doesn't notice much I do pick off the bits I know he won't have like tomatoes or peppers or things he won't have school dinners so always packed lunches as wouldn't eat if he had lunches at school . I just give what they like and make sure I'm adding things healthy and different things as an option if it gets left it gets left. My other two eat anything really but odd meals they don't like I don't make. Same as us some stuff we like some we don't and we're not forced eat it. Just make what she likes x

I'd never punish for not eating certain things we all have things we don't like x

1 Sit down with her calmly, and explain why people need to eat certain food groups, and what happens if they don't.

2 Show her some lists of foods that fall into those groups, and ask her to choose which ones she is prepared to eat, acknowledging that while she may not like them, she needs to eat them to stay healthy.

3 Ask her why exactly she dislikes certain foods. Is it flavour, smell, texture, or something else? Find out what she really can't cope with and what she's prepared to tolerate, but reiterate that her diet needs to include certain things.

4 Involve her in the food shopping. Take her with you, explain why you're buying what you're buying and how her body will use it to prevent her from becoming ill. Allow her to help choose specific items such as vegetables and fruit, and explain how you decide which ones to buy.

5 Help her plan her own menu based on her own nutritional needs, taking into account her likes and dislikes. Then let her help prepare her own food at mealtimes.

6 Come up with a plan between you about how to introduce new foods gradually into her diet.

Apologies if you've already tried this!

Hi Sophie,

I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. I can hear how this is distressing for you, as a Parent it makes us feel good when we see our little one's eating and thriving. You mentioned your lovely daughter has 'always been a somewhat fussy eater but at the minute it's worse than ever'. This can be quite common with young children to go through various fussy stages but as long as her weight is being maintained and she is eating foods try not to put too much pressure on yourself at this moment. We have published an article on our site on this topic with some helpful guidance if you would like to take a look Sophie, How To Deal With Your Child If They Are A Fussy Eater - Netmums

The BBC also have published some great help around children and eating too, Top tips to get your fussy toddler to eat - BBC Tiny Happy People

Have you spoke to your health visitor or GP about this? They will be able to advise you on this issue also. Can I ask what you daughter is eating over a weeks period instead of focusing on one specific meal? Do her habits change in other environments such as nursery/ school or seated away from the table? I'm just trying to get a better idea how to help you further Sophie.

I know this is a topic many of our members can relate to so hopefully they will be along shortly to share their own experiences and tips also.

Do come back and chat some more if we can help any further.

Best wishes,

Emma

My 4.5 year old is the exact same. I give her chicken goujons and fish fingers as it's the only protein she will touch. She used to eat brocolli but it now refusing so the only veg she has is carrots with her meal. She will have baked beans or oven chips. I've just recently managed to get her to have jacket potatoes. Luckily she will eat some fruit. I am just trying not to force it and make it massive deal (I've literally battled over spaghetti bolonegse not so long ago which she used to eat and it wasn't fun for either of us so I'm not doing that battle again!). I don't make her sit at the table until she's finished her plate either. I'll encourage her and of course make sure she'll eats some of her meal, but they have to learn to regulate their own appetite and forcing them to finish it all doesn't do that. I truly believe they will get better as they get older, I was terribly fussy aged 4-7, I can remember crying at the dinner table. But I definitely grew out of it. I would just say keep offering things and don't make it into big deal so that eating becomes a negative experience.

The only thing that worked with my son was acting like I didn’t care. After a meal when we’d both ended up in tears with frustration I vowed it would never get to that point again. From then on I would make dinner, put it in front of him and say “ this is your dinner, eat it or don’t eat it, but there’s nothing else. I’ll be over here eating mine/ doing the laundry” and walk away. It didn’t happen straight away, but once he realised he didn’t have an audience and I really wasn’t going to get him anything else he would start eating.

alternatively I would give him a choice of two things I was prepared for him to eat. “Tonight’s dinner is spaghetti or shepherds pie” which one would you like? Then they have a choice but it’s in your boundaries.

Instead of diving her food....put smaller portions on her plate and she has to eat all of it. Don't bribe her with pudding it don't work. Limit snacks.... she'll soon get used to it. I give my 3yr old a time limit as such, if she hadn't eaten it by the time we had all finished I took the plate and that was it game over. She learnt quick, that she must eat her food and then be rewarded however way we decided. No snacks inbetween meals unless its fruit. Once she stated eating properly then she was allowed a sweet snack....

That's hilarious, she's 4, not exactly open to rational argument

Stop treats and snacks. She doesn't need them. Give very small portions. All get down and have fun when you finish (with appropriate respect....May I get down from the table and play now, etc). Leave them there til they finish. If they don't finish by the time for next thing, bath, bed, whatever then take plate away without making a fuss or comment about how much they ate.

Repeat consistently. Only variation I would add is once they start eating properly offer seconds or increase portion size also you can start to notice their actual likes and dislikes because they won't be playing you any more.

Only other thing that springs to mind is make sure they're getting tons of outdoor play. There's nothing like fresh air for making kids ravenous. And a hungry kid will eat.

Hi Sophie. Is there any indication your daughter could be autistic? This sounds like much more than just fussy eating. My girl is autistic and has a condition called ARFID. It stands for avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. Look it up. It's not just fussy eating. It's a type of eating disorder. I'm not saying that your daughter has it, but it sounds so much like how my daughter was at that age. She only has two safe foods she'll eat now. Pasta and burgers. She drinks gallons of milk though thank God! Hope you get some help. If you need to ask me anything at all, please do. All the best. Tina.

Here's what we have always done with our now teens. They both eat anything, but I will never know if it was in their souls or what we did - but 'this is the way':

Firstly, no food guilt, no food fuss. Stop talking about it with her, at all, make it no big deal (excellent acting required). Remove it from the conversation as a problem.

When she doesn't want to eat something, say 'pop it on the side of your plate if you don't want it'. Don't stop cooking it, or putting it on her plate, never make separate meals. Just let her leave it, and let her see other people eating it. No fuss. None.

When she says she doesn't like something, say very mildly 'of course not, you're not old enough yet, you'll like it when you're older'. (This has been my best line ever!).

Whenever conversations about food pop up in her presence make it part of the conversation how much food preferences change as you get older - make it something she hears a lot. (both my children are convinced they'll learn to like mushrooms eventually, when even I have started to think it might not happen).

Be hugely positive about trying new things, and model it yourself, talk about trying something new as she sees you doing it. If she knows you don't like cabbage, let her see you try it positively, nibble it in front of her and say 'it's not like I remembered it tasting, it's changed, I'm not sure though, I'll try again next time'. 'Trying' can be praised for something as simple as smelling a new food or nibbling the tiniest bit. Say things like 'I love it when you try new foods' and 'you're so good at trying new things'.

Leave her to finish her meal alone after everyone else is done, the misery of being the slowest needs to be removed. Let everyone else go and chatter cheerfully to her as she eats alone as the tidying up is done. My sister's boy is excruciatingly slow. So they share the first 30 minutes of every meal and then she leaves him to eat alone because 'murder is wrong' and she walks away from the conflict. He does eat more this way.

These days we talk a lot with our kids about food, but always in terms or nutrition, but always without drama or fuss. So we might say 'you're not hungry now because you ate all that junk out with your friends, but when your body realises it still needs nutrients it will be hungry again'. We laugh about junk food when we eat it (we call it 'yellow dinner') and we point out which things we're eating are really healthy. It's all conversation, not hassle - no food guilt.

Obviously, this isn't a quick fix - it's the long game.

Good luck x

Worked with my son when he was 3. Worked with my cousins when they were 5. Kids often understand more than adults might think.