Need urgent help and advice

Hi Tilly

I personally think this is fine. When my son was 7 he occasionally slept with us. He's now 12 and will still sometimes sleep in my bed or his dads bed when he's there.

Unless you have reason to believe your daughter is not safe with her dad?

Question, does your daughter ever sleep in your bed?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Why would you even ask this? If course it's OK he's her dad. Stop with the petty jealousy.

Of course its fine.. provided her dad is safe with her. (Which I'm guessing he is as he has her overnight)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping in the same bed as your kids.

It’s her Dad! I can’t see an issue. Would you allow her to sleep in with you? If so, I can’t see any difference - unless there’s more detail missing from the question?

I am shocked that you’re even questioning whether this is appropriate or not. What a crazy world we live in if a 7 year old can’t have cuddles in bed with her dad.

So this isn't your daughter, is it? From reading your other post, I see its your partner's daughter from a previous relationship that you don't get along with and in February was planning on breaking up with your partner because of her.

What ever the other issues, you are asking if its ok for him and her to share a bed. Do you think it will be ok when your son is 7 and wants to come in your bed because hes feeling unsecure? Or is that different because you're a woman? Are you implying theres something wrong with your partner?

I suggest either going your seperate ways or finding a solution to live together when shes there before focussing on the sleeping arrangements.

My first instinct was to say it’s absolutely fine and laugh you out the room for questioning it… but let me just clarify…

How often is she there, and does she have her own room at all?

Whilst getting in mum/dads bed every night is fine, I think their own bed needs to be an option?

If she’s staying over as an occasional thing, and he’s only got 1 bedroom, I’d suggest he maybe considered sleeping on the sofa. Otherwise your daughter doesn’t have the option? I think sleeping in the same bed is fine, but your daughter needs to have the option available not to do so?

Also there’s a time limit on this so he really should think about finding a better arrangement? By the time she’s 10/11, she’ll think of nothing worse than sharing a bed with her dad, so it’s probably worth him investing in a sofa bed at least!

If this is a regular thing (ie 50/50 custody or close), then no it’s not right in my opinion! Not for any perverted reason, but purely because she needs her own space!!

For clarity, my 7 year old boy gets in my bed all the time, no issue with it, but he has his own bed too!

What exactly do you think the issue is here?

I am confused, does she sleep in with you at times? Or is it because he's a dad and a male you have a problem?

My son always comes for a cuddle with me in bed, he's 10. There will come a time our children won't want to sleep in our rooms, she's only 7 and may feel better having him there.

Just read your previous post and got more context…

I semi-revert to my initial instinct of yes it’s fine for her to sleep in his bed, and it’s absolutely fine for him to get in her bed if she needs comforting at night. I regularly fall asleep in my kids beds with them, and end up spending the night! As long as separate beds are an option for her, should she want it.

In what context are you asking?

Is it because he is a man and she is a girl? In that context id say of course its ok and appropriate! I assume he is dressed in shorts or whatever and not naked. He is her Dad and totally ok for them to have cuddles in bed. I am seperated from my DD's Dad, she is 11 and i know she sleeps in his bed every weekend just because she enjoys being close to him, probably because she doesnt see him as often. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Is it because you think she should be sleeping in her own room at this age so you and DH can be in bed alone together? I think thats fair enough, but would have to be handed delicately, with DH agreeing and on side and driven by him in a way that wouldnt make her feel rejected or unwanted. As from her pov she has always done this and probably really likes being close to her dad.

After reading your other post, no a 7yr old sharing bed with dad isn't an issue as long as they're in pj's etc. However I don't think that's the issue here. The real issue is you've got with a guy who actively doesn't parent his daughter in the slightest and doesn't behave like a blended family when she stays.

I'd be laying ground rules. You are the mother of his other child and he's meant to be building a life with you and treating you like his equal. He either starts recognising your role and that his daughter is not the boss or he gets out because as soon as his daughter started doing things like actively shouting her own sibling out living room would have been the time I would've started questioning how safe she is around the poor kid. What if she had caught baby's fingers in the door etc? Your child's safety is important here.

Hi ,no there is nothing wrong with it ,

By it self and with the child happy to do so, I see no issues.

unless you have real concerns, have gut feelings, the child has indicated an issue, there is history of something or something that really worried you other than what you have posted.

Have you got any reasonable to believe it's not? My 4 almost 5 year old will sleep in the same bed as her Dad if I am away for the night. It's a comfort thing. If you trust him then there's nothing wrong with it.