Am I being unreasonable
36 answers /
Last post: 17/04/2023 at 11:57 am
My daughter earns between £900 & £1200 after tax and moans if I ask for £100? She doesn't care that all my wages go on bills etc and thinks £100 is acceptable and she can't afford to live if she's gives more than £100. I've tried showing her the bills but she just doesn't seem to care. Refuses to even help around the place and says she's tired from working. I'm upset as I work full time, run 5 evening clubs and look after my partner (her dad) and I'm lucky to have £50 left of my wages but she'll have £800 - £1100 as disposable income and she leaves me to struggle. Even once she's spent her money, still wants to borrow from me and moans I have no money and thar I should budget better!
have a look to see how much a room in an HMO would cost in your area.
Sit your daughter down, and tell her she can pay you that amount less 10% for rent and bills.
Then give her the option of paying for her own food (in which case lock your fridge, freezer, cupboards etc so she can't use yours) or paying you £5 a day towards food, in which case she gets the same as you prepare for yourself.
Next, give her a list of chores, with the choice of doing them herself or paying for a cleaner at your local rate for three or four hours a week.
If she doesn't want to pay you, give her the details of the HMOs in your area, and tell her she has 28 days to find somewhere else to live, as you can't afford to keep her there anymore.
have a look to see how much a room in an HMO would cost in your area.
Sit your daughter down, and tell her she can pay you that amount less 10% for rent and bills.
Then give her the option of paying for her own food (in which case lock your fridge, freezer, cupboards etc so she can't use yours) or paying you £5 a day towards food, in which case she gets the same as you prepare for yourself.
Next, give her a list of chores, with the choice of doing them herself or paying for a cleaner at your local rate for three or four hours a week.
If she doesn't want to pay you, give her the details of the HMOs in your area, and tell her she has 28 days to find somewhere else to live, as you can't afford to keep her there anymore.
I have tried that before but I think I'll try again. It's getting me really down.
Thank you 😊
I have tried that before but I think I'll try again. It's getting me really down.
Thank you 😊
If you try it again, remember to follow through.
After 21 days, remind her that she has 7 days left to decide whether she's living with you or moving out.
On day 28, if she hasn't done so already, ask her either for the rent money or her new address, and make it clear that those are the only choices open to her. have some packing materials ready for her, and start packing her stuff for her if need be.
Wow well if she's old enough to be earning I'm guessing she is old enough to not live at home. You should tell her you're happy to support her if she is saving someone her money, but you expect some money towards her keep. If she's not willing to do this then maybe she can start looking for her own place which will likely cost her at least £600 in rent alone. She's very lucky and she needs to pull her weight and contribute. And it sounds like she needs to learn to budget if she is still asking for money!
As others have said - show her the alternatives. Work out how much of a contribution you expect & tell her that, if she wants to continue to live in your house, this is what she must contribute. 30 years ago, I was giving my mum £200 & everything is certainly more expensive now.
It’s really important that you follow through with whatever you decide.
Does she need help budgeting? Has she got credit cards or loans? She’s spending an awful lot of money a month. Perhaps you could offer to help her get her money situation in order.
My daughter is 16 and working... she gives me £50 a week, and still does her fair share of chores!
You need to be a bit more forceful! And if she is working you definetely don't need to let her borrow money!
Hello, no you aren't being unreasonable at all. When my son got an apprenticeship he was earning £100 a week, he paid £40 in keep. When he was qualified we asked for an extra £10 which he gave us.
1. Move but don't tell her
2. Advertise her room and take her stuff to the dump
3. Pack her things leave them outside, change locks.
Not sure which is my fave
1. Move but don't tell her
2. Advertise her room and take her stuff to the dump
3. Pack her things leave them outside, change locks.
Not sure which is my fave
That's brilliant 🤣 xx
1. Move but don't tell her
2. Advertise her room and take her stuff to the dump
3. Pack her things leave them outside, change locks.
Not sure which is my fave
😂😂😂
Unfortunately you know the answer, she is self centred and selfish I'm sorry to say so please don't be offended. As for an end result it's a difficult one that you and your partner need to decide together. Start by not doing things for her like shopping & cooking, being honest with her that she needs to sort herself out or maybe she needs to move out.
As harsh as it may seem everyone is right. Your daughter needs to learn the reality of life and taking care of herself. She will thank you in the long run. Stand your ground!
I have tried that before but I think I'll try again. It's getting me really down.
Thank you 😊
You will need to be consistent in your message and be firm.
And be prepared to see it through. Otherwise don’t bother.
I think you know you’re not being unreasonable. It’s hard when it’s our children but you really do need to put your foot down. Rather than saying it in temper try sitting her down and explaining that what she’s paying isn’t enough. I imagine if you say she’s lazy too you’re probably still cooking for her and doing her washing? The £100 a month doesn’t even cover that let alone the increase in bills and contributing towards your rent/mortgage. If she spoke to her friends I very much imagine they’re paying double what she’s paying you. £40/£50 a week seems reasonable to me tbh.
When my eldest came back from uni he gave me £100 a month but he did all his own washing and bought all his own food and cooked it himself. He’d quite often ask if £100 was enough too.
Good luck x