6 year old requires CONSTANT stimulation

Hi Sara,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Sara,

I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sending you a big hug this morning, I can hear how overwhelmed and depleted this is leaving you right now.

To get a better understanding of your situation can I ask what your son is like at school Sara? Does he play with others? Get involved with activities? Does he seek out the Teachers constant attention? I'm just trying to get a better idea of if this is solely related to your son needing your attention only or a wider issue for your LO. I have responded to your post regarding your current relationship situation, I wonder if this is impacting your LO right now at all?

It sounds like you are doing lots of great things to keep your LO engaged and entertained but this does not seem to be what he wants and only seems to want you. Separation anxiety may be at play here if it seems he only wants to be with you, how long has this behaviour been going on for? We have published an article on separation anxiety in children if you would like to take a look and see if anything resonates with your situation,

Separation Anxiety In 8-11 Year Olds - Netmums

Have you spoken to any of this with your LO's school too? They may have some help and input around this issue for you and could look into any stimulation needs your LO may require.

Hopefully some of our other lovely community members will be along too to share their own experiences as I know many will relate too.

Take care,

Emma

Hi Emma,

Thank you for your response.

Regarding school, he has a group of friends he plays with regularly, and is a fairly sociable character. He does struggle with sitting for long periods of time in school, and does lose focus during longer tasks. During parents evening, his teacher mentioned ADHD, and has said she may put us forward for an assessment before he leaves her class in July. However, she was mindful that he is still so little and it may just be he hasn't quite found his footing yet.

Regarding my partner, this was ongoing LONG before and he sees him very little; due to the issues with his own children at the moment, I didn't want to make it look like I was pushing a new family upon him and give his ex something else to say. The constant need for undivided attention is gradually getting more overwhelming, but even more so when someone else is around to compete with.

I know all children 'mum' us to death, I work with kids and have an older child, so believe me when I say this is excessive! I literally get nothing done when he's around because he constantly wants/seeks attention, and no matter how firm I am, the constant challenging behaviour and attention grounds me down. He's not naughty per say, just so demanding and it is draining any life out of me.

Hope this gives a little more depth and insight to the situation. Thank you 😊

My boy was similar my saving grace was my older daughter who he would play with it sounds like that's not an option has anything happened in the past to make him feel so insecure do you have a partner his dad or step dad involved with your little family who can share his needs ? I'd take my son to the opening of an envelope we'd go food shopping I'd giving something to clean or help cook he didn't enjoy doing grown up things but I'd trade it with him for something he wanted to do the constant "mum mum mum" thing can grind a sane mind that's for sure at 6 he's as your aware too young to work out his actions are so harmful he may be hyper needy that only time will put right but I most certainly feel and hear your frustration 🫤 xx

Hi Ann, thank you for your kind response. Myself and his dad separated when he was very little, due to controlling behaviour. Perhaps he still remembers some kind of sadness from those times, he was around 3 years old then.

I don't really have anyone to share the load, he sees his dad every other Saturday, so it really is most of the time just us. He's not as extreme with dad though. Much of the time he just wants to do things just the two of us.

I will try the trade thing, I never thought of that, so thank you. It does bring me some comfort to hear of others' similar experiences, as so many children his age don't seem to be like this. Hopefully with time and understanding he will learn to stimulate himself for short bursts of time, hopefully before I lose the will completely. Thank you again.

Reading this it seemed to me like you were describing my 5 years old. His father and I are together but where I and you come together is the part of not having other family members around. He will not let me say a word to my husband or have a decent phone call to my parents who live in another state and is constantly asking for attention. But he does the same with my husband. So if one of us goes to the toilet, he is knocking on the door, my husband went away for a weekend to solve some issues and he was constantly asking me when dad would be back. He does the same to my husband if I am not around.

I thought this was because he has been put through a lot of change since he was born, we moved to another country, first he was with his dad and grandmother for around 2 months and saw me every 4 weeks, then he came to live with me and my mom and didn't meet his dad for 7 months because of corona, and when finally my husband joined, my mom left. He has changed daycares in the process far too often and I think he is kind of scared that me or his dad will get out of the picture at some point.

What helped a little was explaining to him that neither me or his dad will go anywhere and if we leave short periods to do something that doesn't mean we are leaving forever, we will always come back to him.

Another thing we did was explain to him that sometimes me and his dad need to talk to each other too for important things or because we want to, and he can listen if he wants or join the conversation to give opinions on what we are talking about but not change the subject. And it finally gave results this weekend because he finally joined the conversion twice without asking for full attention and gave his opinion.

I totally feel you that it is draining, and I have often asked myself what am I doing wrong with him or if there is something underneath it that I am not understanding and not offering him the right support. But up to now, I have only had to be patient and explain to him the situations very calmly as otherwise he gets overwhelmed and is physically attaching to me to the point he is holding my leg while I cook and I have to walk around the kitchen like that, with him hanging there.

I am following the post on hope for someone offering ways to help and cope.

Try a small fish tank with lots of little fish and back-light, that kind of thing is really calming and can totally absorb his attention. See if you can find a shop to test this out first. Speak to an assistant to find out an easy set up.

Audio books reading him stories or singing to him?

Cartoons on TV?

Find a chore he can do and lavish praise on how good he is at it.

Is he money orientated? Try a sponsored silence for pocket money or charity.