Found messages on partners phone
9 answers /
Last post: 02/04/2023 at 6:55 pm
So for a start I know I’ve broken the trust on my side by looking at my partners phone but I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right. I looked threw his phone and saw messages with a women I know saying to get Snapchat. His reply was “ I want Snapchat but I want amy (me) but I don’t want to feel guilty” she replies “you can have both” hours later he replies “***** it I’m downloading it again” they both say to each other “let’s have some fun”
so I can tell there’s been a lot of messaging between them and pictures but obviously I can’t read or see the pictures. I’m so hurt because the date of those messages about downloading the app is when we got back together after he had a meltdown and questioned everything about our relationship and what he wanted, after a lot of work on his part we made a go of things again, but seeing that he’s done this a week after we got back together I feel so betrayed and annoyed.
im scared to confront him as he will make a huge sene about me snooping on his phone (he has done this before as at the start of the relationship he was caught out with messaging a women inappropriately.)
HELP ME
Hi Amy,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi Amy
I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing. Sending you a big hug this morning.
Amy, I can hear how upsetting and hurtful this must be for you. I wonder if a friend was in a similar situation, what would you tell them? What do you feel you need and want? Your well being and happiness is important. Do you have a family member or friend you could chat to about what has been going on? Maybe they could support you to speak to your partner?
I'm going to link the RELATE website for you to have a look at. They have lots of really helpful info and can provide individual support if you would like to chat to someone neutral. Here is the link: Get Help | Relate
Hopefully some of our lovely community will be along soon to offer support but please come back to us if you want to chat some more
Take care
Catherine
So sorry you're going through this, but he's been caught out being inappropriate before and now he's doing it again. Please give yourself more respect than he is giving you and value yourself more than he is doing. For your own sanity you need to walk away, it won't be easy and he may try and tell you everything you want to hear but actions speak louder than words and on more than one occasion, his actions have failed you. If you keep him after this time, chances are he will don't again but just get better at hiding it. He's saying in the messages he wants you and some fun but doesn't want to feel guilty... his response of "f#ck it, I'm doing it anyway" is basically him saying the same thing about your relationship! And don't even let it cross your mind to try and compare yourself to the other woman, wondering what she's got that you haven't...because you're way better than her... you've got standards and morals for a start! Stay strong and good luck
Sorry you are going through this. I just have to say- you don't need to be the one worrying about breaking trust here- he had proven his past track record right again. Please don't put up with this he's not going to change!!
Just ditch the loser you are worth so much more than this x
Hi, I empathise with what you are going through. I have been in the same situation, I had never checked my husbands phone before but this one time I just had this “gut feeling”. I wholeheartedly believe in this gut feeling as it definitely is always right.
I feel yes you should not have snooped in a sense, however I disagree when there was reason why you felt you should. He has broke the trust before and your trust had to be earned again. Which he seems to completely disregarded.
He is in the wrong here and has been Upto his old tricks. I would have a serious think if you want to continue the relationship before confronting him. It seems very clear to me the first time wasn’t enough and has not changed or learned his lesson as such. He has shown disrespect on all levels and would not have him try and throw anything your way. Certainly not any form of blame, he is in the wrong, certainly not you.
Hope it all works out for you lovely xx
Thank you for the replies, I really needed to hear that I’m not going insane and I’m not in the wrong.
I feel like I haven’t been able to talk to friends or family as they have said before he isn’t worth all the stress and unhappiness he puts me threw. and maybe I don’t want to accept I deserve better etc. So I feel like I just can’t let go, I wish I was strong enough to be able to just close the door on him. I feel when the times right and I’m stronger or if I snap with all the stress I will end things but I needed to hear I’m not wrong for snooping as I know he will turn it around and say I’m the one in the wrong and he will get away with his actions.
THANK YOU SO SO MUCH XX
Sorry to hear you’re going through this… I too have been through this many times with my husband and I’ll be honest…. It never stops! It doesn’t stop if you catch them, if you’re unaware for a while then catch them and they just add more and more girls to their inboxes because that’s who they are and they get braver with the lack of consequences and catching at the time etc. they just find new ways to hide it and lie and deceive you so they can carry it on and it doesn’t matter if life is going great or bad they always have a lame and pathetic excuse to why they did it with no empathy or remorse! If I did not have a financial tie and 3 children (1 who is severely disabled) with him I would of run for the hills! I wish I’d never met him! It will obviously be hard to end things but trust me if you don’t have to stay with them for a serious reason don’t! I had ‘forgotten and forgiven’ so much he had done to me over the years and this last year has found even more and I’ve come to the conclusion it’s them as a person and not a reflection on you at all and they seriously won’t ever change! Life is too short to be degraded and hurt etc by someone who should be your peace and support in life and your safest and most secure person in your life and home, not one who’s out there disrespecting you! They literally end up destroying you as a person and making you a shadow of yourself and they lose absolutely nothing whilst you’ve lost your sparkle! Sending hugs x
Hi Amy
firstly I am SO sorry that your partner has put you through this not only once, but twice now. I can hear that you’re hurting. Please take peace in the fact that you have done nothing wrong, you haven’t broken any trust. If he didn’t you a reason to look on his phone, then you wouldn’t have. But he has and he’s been caught again. It’s absolutely a reflection on himself and not you.
I’m in the exact same boat right now, I found videos and photos of my partner and his 60 year old mistress (he’s 32 🙃), as well as countless messages when my son was 7 months old. It dated back to when I was pregnant. Turned out he cheated on his ex with her too (she’s also married). We broke up and he begged for his family back, stupidly took him back for our son’s sake and I’ve caught him messaging her again. If I didn’t have a baby I would just get up and leave. I know I deserve better than this life and you absolutely do too. It’s tough to break away when all you’ve known is pain, but I promise you there is someone out there that feels like safety and home, and you deserve to be able to welcome them into your life.
hugs to you, you can do this xx