Help please 🙏 5 year old

Hi Kayleigh,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Kayleigh,

I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thanks for reaching out. I can hear that this is upsetting for you but it can be really common for little ones to say they don't want you or they don't love you. It isn't about rejection but can be a way of testing boundaries and relationships safely because they know that you ,as his parent, are able to hold and contain all those big feelings for him. It's a great chance Kayleigh to give lots of cuddles and reassurance to him.

Kayleigh, your wee boy sounds like he is a busy little one and it can also be really normal for kids of his age to chop and change activities but it can be really exhausting, especially if you're expecting. Is there anything in particular, you're worried about in regards of his behaviours? Have you any one who can help and give you some support? Is he aware of the new baby on the way? I've found this article on Netmums about helping siblings get used to a new baby and I thought it might be a helpful read as you prepare for the new baby: Helping your child adjust to a new sibling - Netmums

Hopefully some of our lovely community will be along soon to offer support but please come back to us if you want to chat some more.

Catherine

Around the age of 8 I over ĥeard my parents having an argument regarding splitting up and who would I live with as in a bad way neither wanted me as they were leaving to get on with their own lives my brother and sister were older not in the house out and about the next time me and my mum had a disagreement I threw it in her face had loads of attention from them both however the next time I pulled the same guilt trip I was completely ignored so in a nut shell I didn't say it again and parents tried not to fall out if we were in the house your son is trying and knows his anger will be heard set out a list of rules to follow after school if it'll help involve the teacher too make it clear his behaviour isn't acceptable he's 5 and got you jumping through hoops step back accept the fact kids are and can be hard work but you can change his behaviour bring it out in conversations the older he gets the older he will make it all about him xx

Just behaviour has in not saying nice things to me and he's dad .he also argue back to.i feel like he knows what and how to get he's own way with me and he's dad

Yes he knows about the baby and is excited

When you say support. What support do you mean ?

Hiya hun :) what point are you putting over about when you was 8 and your parents was arguing .I don't know what you mean .

how when he gets older he will make it all about him.has in being bad behaviour you mean will get worse ? Xxx

Hi, I think AnnEvs meant that she had lots of attention from both parents when she first said it so that spurred her on to say it again as she thought she’d be lavished with the same attention as the first time. However, it backfired. She didn’t get the attention she craved and her parents ignored the comment which was basically only said as a form of attention seeking. She never said it again because she knew it wouldn’t get her what she wanted. By ignoring her outburst her parents taught her that that kind of behaviour wasn’t going to be rewarded. As for saying your son will get worse as he gets older she means that the more he is able to do it now then the older he gets the bigger and better he will get at it and his behaviour will become worse than it is now.

I would start by explaining to your son each time why his behaviour isn’t acceptable and why it won’t result in him getting his own way. Explain that only good behaviour and treating others nicely will get him the rewards and attention he craves. When he’s having a tantrum because he’s not getting his own way ignore him. Hell soon get bored and realise that his tantrum isn’t getting him what he wants. It’s hard but you’ve got to dig your heels in and be tough. Even if you tell him off, shout at him because of his behaviour he will see it as a win because any attention is better than none even if it is negative and in the form of a telling off. Teaching him that good behaviour gets attention and makes you more likely to play, dance etc will hopefully help him realise that bossing you about, having tantrums etc isn’t worth the effort because it gets him nowhere.

Hi Kayleigh,

I'm Loraine, another of the Netmums' Parent Supporters and I work alongside Catherine.

I'm glad to see you've already had some helpful responses on here from our netmums' community.

You asked what 'support' Catherine was referring to and I think she was asking if you had any family or friends who you could confide in or who could look after your little boy occasionally to give you a break - is that an option?

Also, it might be worth having a chat with your GP or midwife when you have your next appointment as their focus will be about you and they might be able to offer some suggestions to help you deal with your son's energy and behaviour.

I hope some of this helps Kayleigh and that more of our mums join in the chat soon.

Best Wishes

Loraine x