Who gets the bigger room? My kids or my step kids

It's a challenging dilemma, but ultimately the well-being of the new baby should take precedence. If sharing a room with your elder son isn't an option due to the limited space, it's not fair to cramp him in a tiny area. Although it may not be ideal, perhaps removing the triple bunk and having the girls share the smaller room while the boys have the larger one with two separate beds could be a possibility. This would provide ample space for everyone's belongings and give the latest addition to the family his own room. It's critical to consider everyone's needs and decide on an arrangement that is beneficial to the whole family.

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I would say keeping the girls in the bigger room is a bit more of a priority at their current ages. Especially the older two.

Teenage girls do not not bare well sharing a room at the best of times, but 3! sisters in a box room omg nightmare. I guess if it’s only every other weekend it’s more tolerable though 🤔.

I agree that once the baby is older, perhaps the two boys could share but whilst the baby is so little it’s less pressing.

Do you have any idea how long you intend to keep the baby in your room? My two went into their own rooms separately at 6 months, but many of my friends have kept their kids in with them for much longer than this.

Whatever you choose to do I think the girls are old enough to be involved in the discussion (and allow them to make suggests as to what they think would work). It doesn’t mean you have to do what they suggest, but at least they will have the opportunity to be heard before being moved if that’s what you end up doing.

I feel no matter what you do now, at least one if the children are going to suffer. Whether it's the boys because they literally have no space to even move in the box room let alone play or the girls because you want to downgrade their space.

This should've been a discussion long before this point.

Where does your boy's toys currently go? If his toys are stashed in living room and other places instead, it may have to be this way until the girls outgrow wanting to come round every other weekend and the two little ones become old enough to warrant needing more space too.

I think I would be tempted to redesign the spaces to make them both more communal and explain to the girls that you are happy for them to keep the bigger room however you are struggling for space when they aren't here so need to use the storage and then store the boys toys in there and have it as a playroom when no one is sleeping there. You could also move in some clothing etc. That seems a fair compromise to me and I don't see how your partner can object. As they get older you may need to revisit it as things change. You aren't that far off the girls likely having other things to do at weekends and your boys will eventually question whether it's fair themselves.

I think in this situation you are right as your boys will be there all the time. However it's really important you handle it correctly and sensitively so his daughters don't feel pushed out. I have family who just moved their daughters things out of her room without talking about it and she was extremely upset , felt very pushed out. You would both need to sit down and talk to them about the practicalities of it and explain the reasons, so they understand it's not down to any favouritism. Maybe a desk could go go the bigger room room the older daughter could still go in there to study. Also, your 3 month old can stay in your room for a fair bit longer, so you don't need to rush into moving them around.

I would leave it as it is for now. The girls will grown up soon enough and need and want less space, and come to visit much less. They will also grow enough to understand the needs of the little ones better.

Wait it out for now.

Your partner is no doubt afraid they will stop coming if he moves them. A reasonable fear.

Wait until the three don't always come anymore, until just one or two comes regularly, then make the swap.

I understand the frustrations and they’re only there around four days out of the month. So all that big space is technically going to waste the remaining of the month.

How big is your room? Are you able to go in to the box room and give the boys your room?

have you got a living room and a dinning room?

ive made the dinning room in to a bedroom so all the kids can have their own bedroom. I have three kids.

are you able to put the baby in the big room with the step kids? And then put the baby in your room while the step kids are over?

who’s house is it? If you got a dinning room. Happy days. Make that in to your bedroom. If not I would try to move in to the box room and give the boys your room. Or the step kids your room and the boys the bigger room.

I understand where he is coming from. With the ages and 3 being in a smaller room, its not ideal. However that means for 12 days out of 14 its empty. How is that reasonable. I'd work it out per m² and the work out the hours the room is being used. To show him in facts and figures how it makes no sense. Although its not fair, the children that live there full time, get priority over space. Unless of course he wants to give up his room for the smallest one and the boys go into your room and his girls keep their room.

I think you've got some really practical responses so far and I agree with them.

You could gauge how the girls feel about moving to the small room first, if they react badly then you know you need an alternative solution in order not to rock the boat. But while you have their attention, let them know the alternatives; your wardrobe/drawers in their room while you sleep in the small room or your son's wardrobe/toys in the their room.

As others have said, in a few years the eldest may not want to come every other weekend with their siblings and so you could then move the two girls to the smaller room with a smaller bunk.

Hi

I would suggest if the box room is big enough to fit a double bed you could have that room and the boys could have your room, you could leave your wardrobe in the boys room. The 4 year old could have a bed with a tallboy under it as extra storage. As adults only use bedroom to sleep in I think this is what I would do, that way the girls don't feel pushed out and the boys have more room.

Good luck

Hi Laurie C, first I would like to ask is it a rented home or mortgaged?. If it’s mortgaged I would look at the upstairs plan and then look at whether you could rearrange the 3 of the 4 bedrooms -so leave the triple bunk room as it is if possible and make the 3 other bedrooms more equally sized rooms then I would put your little boy in one room, the baby in one room, the girls in their triple bunks in their current room or a similar sized room to what they are currently in to save arguments and you in a slightly smaller room than what you have now.. Most upstairs rooms are just stud walls and therefore can be easily changed with the right builders.. I have done this before and made one room into two smaller rooms and it worked brilliantly.. good luck whatever you do 😘 x

I think I’d put the 12 & 14 year olds in the box room - the topsy turvy KURA bunk at IKEA is amazing, this is what mine have in the box room and it’s easier to create storage by using the deep long shelves up high up on the walls with the baskets designed for kallax units. Got jerseys in one, trackies in another and misc in another and so on.

And I’d put the 4 & 7 year old in the big one with all babe’s stuff too in preparation for transition so you & hubby can breathe a bit by only having your baby in there instead of baby and all baby’s necessaries too!

I think this it would give more permanence to your set up if for any reason you couldn’t move for a really long time as in years to come the eldest grows out of sleeping over so much and the next two get older so the now 7 year old moves in to the box with sister until it’s just your boys sleeping there.

In my mind this seems more age appropriate for the teens but doesn’t give them priority over your sons whose home it is and helps brother a sister bond and appreciate each other who are closer in age and will need space to play anyway.

Teens are stagnant - privacy, yes - space, no. They also have independence kids don’t so can be outside in a more unsupervised way and get their ‘space’ that way.

Kids can’t sit still and climb the walls. And they don’t have the freedom to go out like older siblings.

It’s a tricky one… there might be other solutions.

I wonder if you get everyone together and explain the problem and a few of the possible solutions whether the children themselves can help you decide what to do. Children can be fairly diplomatic and understand the problems as well as coming up with their own ideas… the key is to let them know this is not a unilateral decision that you are making but a problem you would like to solve together with their help and input. Get together and write down everyone’s ideas and what’s most important to them - eg teenager may may prefer a desk in the master bedroom (yours) as it would be quieter and no little ones disturbing her, and f that could be done.

I think by involving the children in the finding of a solution (and not mentioning that you and dad have opposing views currently, just that you can’t decide and you need their input)… you’ll create a better scenario going forwards.

Ultimately if baby is only 3 months currently then you have some time to work this all out as baby won’t need to be sleeping apart from you for another few months at least.

All the best x

If your 4 year old and baby were older, I would definitely be of the mind that as they’re with you full time, they should have the larger room, but logically speaking, just for now that is, his girls are at a crucial stage/age, they can go any which way, leave the status quo as it is, the baby will no doubt be with you in a cot for possibly another 18 months, the girls will be older, less likely to visit as they explore their own independence by which point your two will still be too young to appreciate their own room.

theirs nothing stopping the older one staying in the bigger room when his step sisters aren’t there, so you could just do a change over and move him to the smaller room when the girls visit.

by the time even your older one needs his one room, say 7 or 8, the older girls will definitely be independent and less likely to visit and more settles hopefully in their security and stability with their fathers new family they won’t be so concerned.

a little give and take at a crucial stage for his other kids who are now also your family and a little consideration will go along way for you also, as they’ll appreciate you and respect you more too..