Katie

Hi Kathryn,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Kathryn,

I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing so honestly with us, I know your experience will resonate with many of our other lovely community members also and hopefully they will be along shortly to share their experience of the termination pill.

I'm sorry to hear you haven't had reassurance from your phone call with Marie Stopes, I wonder if you could ask for another nurse to speak to for a second opinion at the clinic? There is also the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) for advice and info if you would feel comfortable connecting with them for some reassurance. Abortion clinics, Information, Advice and Treatment | BPAS

Please don't beat yourself up feeling 'like a monster' Kathryn, you sound like an incredibly loving and supportive Mother who is considering everyone in this equation and wants to do right by your family as a whole. A high majority of terminations are actually from people who already have children and for many different reasons i.e. practical, financial, housing, emotional etc they cannot bring another child into their family.

Do reach out to your GP or NHS 111 service also for any info or advice you need before going ahead. It is important you feel safe before taking the next steps.

Let us know how you are doing Kathryn and if we can help any further.

Take care of yourself,

Emma

Thank you emma I have phoned Marie stopes and they have told me that they would get a nurse to call me back in a few hours, it’s horrible you never think you will terminate until your in this situation and left with no choice. My daughter has just turned one and I went through the same thing with her and I continued with the pregnancy and it was the best thing she is my entire world it’s just horrible to think I look at my children and that’s how they started out I just feel incredibly cruel and evil. But I have no choice I’m due back at work next week i have my two babies on my own constantly I have to think about them and myself and trying to survive anyway and sort childcare going back to work and the expense of it all I don’t think I could cope with a third right now just feel so awful just very worried of taken the tablets incase something bad happens but I can’t really wait any longer I would be worse off xxx

Hi Kathryn,

I had them at 9 weeks 5 days. My (then) husband had been in a serious motorcycle accident and was in a coma, I was essentially a single parent to two daughters aged 2 and 5 at the time. I had decided it was too much for me to continue the pregnancy and be able to look after my daughters and be at my husbands bedside. I had mine in the hospital though? I didn’t know you could take them at home. I went through my gp so it was nhs. When I went they scanned me and told me the baby had actually passed away around 8weeks (around the time of the accident) and that it was a missed mc so I could either way until it expelled itself or continue with the pills. I took the pills so I could be in control of when it happened and have childcare etc. I’m not going to lie to you, it was horrendous pain wise. It felt more like labour than a period but then I was further along so that may have made a difference also? I have lost 11 babies through miscarriage and they weren’t as painful. I basically stayed in the hospital bed reading for a while until they kicked in then it was like severe cramping (they gave me pain relief). They monitored every time I went to the toilet and I had to wee in to a bowl so they could check the fetus had passed properly which it did. Seeing that little fetus come out wasn’t nice at all but by then I had already had 6 miscarriages so I was aware of what things looked like so would be more like a large clot at 5-6 weeks. I would say that you will need childcare for when you take them for around 5-12 hours if at all possible. Hot water bottles may help too. I know it’s hard mentally and I didn’t expect after ttc to end up in a position where I couldn’t keep the baby but even if he or she hadn’t already passed I do know I would’ve still had the abortion as my situation changed so drastically and I had 2 other children to care for. You need to do what is best for your children already born and yourself. If you are at all unsure then I would say don’t do it until you’ve spoken to a pregnancy counsellor which the doctor can put you in touch with. If you are sure then know you are doing it for the right reasons and that, in fact, makes you a good mum to your two children. Is there someone you can speak to about it? It would be good to be in touch with someone during the day so they can keep an eye on you. Possibly even have a friend or relative come over? I was messaging my mum the whole way through and I think that really helped. If you don’t then feel free to message me. I’m afraid I can’t answer about the rhesus negative situation but make sure you get a firm answer to that before you do anything. May I ask what contraception you are using that has failed? I think the IUD is a really good choice for future contraceptives as being sick etc doesn’t affect it. Sending you lots of love xx