Just Devastated
4 answers /
Last post: 26/03/2023 at 2:18 pm
I have just been through the most life changing experience and was left by my partner during it all, I feel so abandoned and am really struggling to move forward.
I'm a Mum of 2 teenage kids and after divorcing from their Dad a while ago, I met a really lovely guy. We were seeing each other for over a year before I found out that I was pregnant again with his baby. We were so happy and I was really looking forward to becoming a family unit again.
Unfortunately at my 20 week scan, they found several fetal anomalies and I was left with impossible decision to continue with my pregnancy or not. My partner wanted to continue however I (with my experience of raising children) couldn't see a way to continue with the diagnosis we were given.
At 23 weeks I said goodbye to our little girl and it is the most traumatic experience I've ever had. Instead of supporting me on this day, he packed his things and moved out of my house and my life.
I feel so empty and a massive void. I feel like I'll never be happy again. I feel like ill never be able to enjoy a relationship again. How will things ever get better?
Hi Charlotte,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi Charlotte,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
Thank you for posting your circumstances so honestly on here and well done for reaching out for support.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through with the loss of your baby Charlotte, it must have been a devastating decision to have to make - sending lots of hugs your way this morning.
You said 'I feel so empty and a massive void. I feel like I'll never be happy again' - it's completely normal and understandable to feel like this, anyone would feel the same in similar circumstances.
It's important to remember that your body will still have pregnancy hormones racing around inside, so it'll take time for both your body and mind to adjust to what's happened.
It's really important to concentrate on you right now Charlotte. Do you have any close friends or family members who you can confide in? Did the hospital/clinic or your GP offer any aftercare or counselling to help you deal with all the emotions you're feeling?
The NHS have a relevant link on their website which you might find helpful to read through when you feel ready. You can access the details at: https://healthtalk.org/ending-pregnancy-fetal-abnormality/overview
It's also important to keep chatting, so come back and let us know how you are and what support you've managed to access. We'll try to support you in any way we can.
Loraine x
I did not want to read and run.
Sending huge hugs to you xxx
You have made an informed, and extremely difficult decision, which would have been life-changing for you, your partner and your existing children, and had to do it all alone!
You do not say, but I'm presuming your partner had no children of his own. You know how difficult parenthood is.
I'm really sorry your partner could not support you and come to terms with the best outcome for you and a very hard and vulnerable time for a woman. If he's found it difficult to support you now, think about what the future may have been like with him.
You will feel whole again, you are grieving for your baby and relationship at the moment, and how you are feeling is totally normal. I really hope you are able to reach out to family and friends, their support will be invaluable to you. If you are feeling low, please seek help through your doctors, and there are support groups to help.
You will find happiness, love yourself first always.