Disruptive 4 year old at nursery
5 answers /
Last post: 30/03/2023 at 4:03 pm
My son has just turned 4 and is at Nursery which is attached to a school. He has always been ‘extra’ and that child who doesn’t listen, runs around and issues with sharing/taking things. Since being in nursery he has not changed. He can have a great day one day but most of the time he doesn’t.
The teachers have said he’s disruptive most of the time and doesn’t listen. He will get in other children’s faces, push and in a PE lesson he has tried to trip up other children. He plays it clever by going for the younger or quieter children. It’s got to the point where the school head teacher has had to take him to the office for some time out. His time out and behaviour is now being monitored and written down. They think it’s impulse and something he can’t help.
Ive tried many things to help his behaviour and the nursery are working with me. Now we all are stuck to what to try next. A senco leader is aware but not intervening right now.
I feel like I’m doing something wrong and that people will think my son is just a horrible bully or something. Has anyone been through this or going through this? Would like to hear of their experiences or even things to try as I’m so worn out right now. Harder with an 11 month old baby as well.
Hi Natasha,
I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns with us. You sound very caring and attentive to your LO's needs, you are in no way 'doing anything wrong' so please leave your Mum guilt aside, you have enough on your plate with your LO and 11 month old to be carrying that also.
I know many of our lovely community members will be able to relate in some way and hopefully will be along soon to offer their own experiences too.
I have read through your post and understand completely what you are worried about. Thank you for explaining things so well. You have described your LO well, the behaviour spectrum is vast and it can be normal for children of this age to show some traits of behaviours that may flag up as additional needs. It sounds like his 'impulse disruption behaviours' are the main concern for yourself and his nursery. Due to how this is concerning you, I would talk to the nursery again to get the SENCO involved as they will be able to carry out any assessments and refer if needed. They would also have lots of strategies they could advise you on also. An appointment with your GP and Health Visitor would be a next step too so everyone can work cohesively.
I hope this is of some help, do come back and let us know how you are getting on Natasha.
Take care,
Emma
Hi Natasha,
I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns with us. You sound very caring and attentive to your LO's needs, you are in no way 'doing anything wrong' so please leave your Mum guilt aside, you have enough on your plate with your LO and 11 month old to be carrying that also.
I know many of our lovely community members will be able to relate in some way and hopefully will be along soon to offer their own experiences too.
I have read through your post and understand completely what you are worried about. Thank you for explaining things so well. You have described your LO well, the behaviour spectrum is vast and it can be normal for children of this age to show some traits of behaviours that may flag up as additional needs. It sounds like his 'impulse disruption behaviours' are the main concern for yourself and his nursery. Due to how this is concerning you, I would talk to the nursery again to get the SENCO involved as they will be able to carry out any assessments and refer if needed. They would also have lots of strategies they could advise you on also. An appointment with your GP and Health Visitor would be a next step too so everyone can work cohesively.
I hope this is of some help, do come back and let us know how you are getting on Natasha.
Take care,
Emma
Thank you for replying. It can feel lonely when it feels like it’s just your child and you feel wholy responsible for the behaviour. It’s supportive to hear someone else’s perspective of the situation.
I have now contacted the health visitor so hopefully something will come from that to help.
I think that it's worth building a complete picture with your son.
Do you think that it's the environment that he is in? How many are in his class?
Does he do better in 1:1 situations?
Are there any other issues with eating, sleeping?
Outside of school is he quite impulsive?
Is he very active?
Does the SENCO have any opinion on whether he may have additional needs?
All behaviour is communication so he is trying to tell you/them something. Impulsive behaviour could be a sign of additional need but without a full picture. It's difficult to say?
Does he struggle in groups generally?
Does he like the company of other children or prefer to play alone?
Hi Natasha, when my LO started being a bit rude and unkind, I bought some books from Amazon about kindness and have now also bought one on anger management.
He loves reading books with us before bed and he particularly likes these ones (luckily!). When his behaviour deteriorates I do remind him of the book and ask "what Melissa would do" - the key character in the book.
Just thinking off the top of my head, I would give him some time at home where he could "let off steam" - maybe play drums, get messy etc. And I'd also start a stop-think approach before doing anything (tedious to start as I would do it with everything, food/play/screen time/potty) but I would try and get him in the habit of thinking about something before acting.
I hope it helps and apologies if you've already tried it x