Pregnant with third child, considering abortion

Hi Amelia,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Amelia,

I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sending you a big hug this evening, I can hear how distressing and upsetting this is for you to be in this situation. Please don't fell 'stupid ' or ' awful ', you have no need. The majority of people considering termination are actually already parents and for many reasons as you have already mentioned such as practically, financially, physically and emotionally need to consider what is the right step for them as a family unit.

How are you feeling today Amelia? Do you have loved one's and friends who you can lean out to for support at this time Amelia? It is important you can talk through all of your thoughts and feelings to help you unpick your situation and come to a decision that is right for you and your family. Would you consider talking with your GP honestly and openly like you have here Amelia? They would be able to refer you for mental health support to help you navigate this time.

I'll include a link to an article we published on our site regarding services to support you through this time also, including the British Pregnancy Advisory Service. Pregnant – but you don't want to be - Netmums

I know many of our lovely community members will be ale to relate to your situation also, hopefully they will be along shortly to offer their own experiences too.

Take care,

Emma

My story was the same and I've heard this is more frequent than you think. My husband and I spent a year back and forth should we have a third or not with kids the same age as yours now. I got pregnant and immediately regretted it and felt full of shame.

Fast forward and yes it's all those things you described less time with each one. More strain financially etc etc.

However our youngest has filled out our home in incomprehensible wonderful ways. His tiny personality has bought another new light into the house. Yes we miss the what ifs, but our youngest has bought my middle child a whole new friend to play with. Our eldest who likes time on his own is happy to leave them to it and have time to himself.

It works out. But that's our story.

And I very nearly terminated and didn't and still swung back and forth of regretting not doing that right up till almost the he was born. He's now my little love and so extraordinaryly special to me.

Well as you've said you like your life as it is and prefer to stick to 2 children seems odd you got pregnant again!

Hi there sorry you’ve only had judgemental replies some people can’t wait to be awful with unhelpful comments… I hope you make the right decision with support from your husband it’s an awful thing to have to decide you will feel guilty either way and I’m sending you all my best wishes xxx

Why does it seem odd? Accidents happen and the only 100% effective contraception is not having sex at all. I've known people who have fallen pregnant on the coil, the implant, ***** injections, pill, male AND female condoms etc like I said, not 100% effective.

Haven't been in the same situation but I would advise that both you and your husband sit down with a professional so you can make the right informed decision. Your gp should be able to point you in the right direction. I wish both you and your husband luck.

It's not really odd! It happens. This was a pointless and unkind comment you really should have just scrolled by.

I have not been in this position, just saw the unkind comments and wanted to wish you well either way and hope you and your husband make the decision that is right for you and your family. You clearly are a super mum as you are taking the bigger picture into consideration and this decision is so tough to make x

I didn't see anything mentioned about contraception being used so not sure what you're harping on about 🥱

Very stupid and awful for trying to make the best decision for everyone in your family? If I had to choose two objectives to describe you Amelia stupid and awful would be the last two.

You’ve created what sounds like an amazing life, perfect in so many ways. why wouldn’t you want to share and give that to another child.

However, that dismisses what your dream life is built on, it’s taken blood sweat and tears, … hard work, times of challenge, tears along the way, sacrifices, worries, arguments, tantrums, being skint, going without, questioning yourself, guilt over wrong decisions, missing family etc etc etc … (I’m being really assumptious here I realise that but just trying to read between the lines…sorry if I’m way off). Why would you want to go through that again?

Be proud of yourself Amelia and give yourself a break. Whatever you decide, don’t look back and have faith that you made the right choice. I have no doubt that whatever you decide will be for the best.

Perhaps in your situation it’s best to go with what your heart is telling you. I think some people need to listen to their head more as they aren’t as (trying to think of the word … erm) responsible? Realistic? They just go ahead and do things without planning properly or disregarding all avenues and make things more difficult for themselves (me for example 🤭🫣😂) but I think you can afford to go with your heart a little here … if your heart wants to go ahead with the pregnancy then do but if your heart is telling you that it’s just not right then remain just the four of you. This may sound trite but toss a coin. When you’re alone. Toss a coin. Head or tails. Baby or no baby. The very first feeling when you see the outcome, if it’s relief or disappointment then you know hat to do. Listen to that feeling. That’s what you need to do. That’s your true feeling. Because I think you’ll cope brilliantly either way.

take care 😘😊❤️

To all you people who are telling each other you’re harping on or passively aggressively pointing out that something is odd, (go ~***** yourselves and take your resentment at your ***** little loves out on someone else) can we please just look for a bit of compassion and empathy. Amelia came here for support and advice, regardless of what the advice was, what she didn’t come here for is for judgments, catty replies and offensive comments which I’m sure the person wouldn’t dare speak to people like that face to face and if they did … well … I can’t see them being Mx popular.

C’mon guys, we can do Better than this. ,

Get you coming on here and telling people what to do. How about if you don't agree with someone's comment YOU just scroll by!

Hi everyone

We're just posting to remind everyone of our chat rules , in particular point two, which asks everyone to treat others as you would want to be treated. As always, if there are any posts that you'd like us to take a closer look at, please report them to us.

I want to reply here as I would feel uncomfortable not showing support to someone who is being treated so disrespectfully. On the other hand, it’s difficult to know what to say due to the hypocrisy of your comment Michelle. Hyprocitacal behaviour is normally the result of low-self esteerm and selfworth so if that’s the driving force behind your behaving in this way then I wouldn’t like to add to your situation by pointing out what is you just trying to survive and make yourself ok.

Are you aware that you are being hypocritical? If so, then please stop. It’s not fair to resolve your own cognitive dissonance by being nasty to another. If you aren’t aware then could you just have a little think about what you’ve said and what you’ve done and try to align?

Thanks and take care.