Am i expecting too much?
7 answers /
Last post: 27/03/2023 at 8:21 pm
I need to know if im being unreasonable or my partner is stuck in the 50s
We had our daughter 2yrs ago, he has never got up with her during the night even when ive been really poorly or hurt. My partner works and im a stay at home mum. I do all of the housework, sort all the bills out, do all the shopping and handle everything for DD. I dont expect my partner to come home and do house work, however i do expect him to tidy up after himself and if he walks past rubbish to pick it up and put it in the bin. If i sat a piece of rubbish in the middle of the living room, it would stay there until i picked it back up. Theres also no help if im struggling, he just sits on his phone ignoring us. I do ask him to do the dishes at night when im putting DD to bed, which would sit for days until he can be bothered to do them. I tried to talk to him last night and that didnt go well at all, apparently a good dad goes out to work and comes home he doesnt need to do anything in the house or with DD. He said every father he knows works, comes home then goes drinking all night. That is not what i want for me or DD. This is not the man i met 7yrs ago. Am i being unreasonable to expect even 5% help in the house or is my partner right that i expect too much from him?
Sorry im all over the place i cant keep my head straight, ive not slept more than 2/3hrs in 2 years. DD is a terrible sleeper.
No, you're not being unreasonable.
I'd say that if "every father he knows" does nothing other than go to work and then go out drinking all night, then he either doesn't know any fathers, or he's made a point of only ever meeting abusive ones.
As for being stuck in the 50s; well, there were fathers like that back then, but even then they were in the minority and had unhappy wives and unhappy children. In general, when people say that their partner is "old fashioned", it usually means "badly behaved", "neglectful", selfish", or "abusive".
This man is supposed to be your partner. A partnership is supposed to make things easier for all partners than they would be if the partnership didn't exist.
What does this man add to your life that makes it better than him not being there? Is the money he brings in worth the stress, the tiredness, the drudgery?
Why is being with him a good idea? What do you actually get out of this relationship? Why are you with a man who sees nothing wrong in letting you suffer and become exhausted?
You might find it useful to get in touch with Women's Aid and have a chat with them, and think about whether you and your child might be better off without this man draining you.
Good luck.
I'm so sorry to hear you have a lack of support. My husband will put on washing, always cleans up after himself, dries the bathroom after he showers, does his ironing, takes care of our daughter (we both work, but I work from home) Your partner isn't being fair at all. He is stuck in the 50's!
You're not being unreasonable at all. You should be partners who love and help each other, not two people where one can do what they like and the other is basically a slave. If he really believes that is what marriage is then run for the hills. Let him make some other woman daft enough to put up with him miserable. He sounds absolutely awful OP. You and your child deserve so much more.
You're not is maid. He should pick up hi cr*p. I get you dealing with the majority of the night times if he works (I've always done that even though I also work hard full time, it's exhausting), but it would be nice to give you a break from time to time, sleep is a basic need you're not getting. You're definitley not there to clean up after him. You're not asking much by asking him to generally keep the place tidy and not contribute more to the mess. Stand your ground with this. And I don't know what loosers he knows but good Fathers are not going out drinking after work every night, that's complete rubbish. He needs to grow up.
No, you’re not being unreasonable. The clue is in the title - partner - you’re meant to be a team, you’re not his servant. Ok, you’re at home all day looking after your child - which is a full time job in itself. If you’re managing the majority of household chores on top of that, I’m impressed!! Once he’s home, whatever needs doing belongs to both of you. Cooking tea, washing up, tidying, putting child to bed etc. Your daughter is both of yours - & he needs to shape up & start being a better partner & role model.
No, you're not being unreasonable.
I'd say that if "every father he knows" does nothing other than go to work and then go out drinking all night, then he either doesn't know any fathers, or he's made a point of only ever meeting abusive ones.
As for being stuck in the 50s; well, there were fathers like that back then, but even then they were in the minority and had unhappy wives and unhappy children. In general, when people say that their partner is "old fashioned", it usually means "badly behaved", "neglectful", selfish", or "abusive".
This man is supposed to be your partner. A partnership is supposed to make things easier for all partners than they would be if the partnership didn't exist.
What does this man add to your life that makes it better than him not being there? Is the money he brings in worth the stress, the tiredness, the drudgery?
Why is being with him a good idea? What do you actually get out of this relationship? Why are you with a man who sees nothing wrong in letting you suffer and become exhausted?
You might find it useful to get in touch with Women's Aid and have a chat with them, and think about whether you and your child might be better off without this man draining you.
Good luck.
Perfect response 👍
The guy sounds like a selfish, lazy @r53 hole.
Most partners who work come home and help out. As I walk through the door after work my partner is feeding our daughter, I then take my daughter for a bath and we both read her a story before bed. We then go and have dinner which my partner previously prepared and then I tidy up the kitchen and load the dishwasher.
He's not a partner! He's a waste of space.