Long term relationship ending, feeling so low
3 answers /
Last post: 02/04/2023 at 7:17 pm
You’ll have to bear with me, this may be a long post.
ive been with my fiancé for 4 years, we have a two year old, I’m 6 months pregnant with baby no 2, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship so 3 kids in total.
for a while now, me and my fiancé have had loads of arguments, about silly things really, but he degrades me a lot during these arguments with regards to my weight amongst other things. For the sake of the kids, I forgive him.
we have had a row this week because I went to work, took my daughter to school and my other one to childcare, but before I left I didn’t tidy up and my daughter had left her bedroom in a bit of a mess. Whilst I was at work, my partner text me with pictures of the room saying it wasn’t acceptable it was left that way, and he couldn’t see the relationship lasting if I’m not “clean”.
I did explain that I had to leave the house by 820 am and that I was sorry I didn’t get time to clean it, but I would do it when I finished work. This has led to a 2 day argument, where I’ve told him I do my best, and sometimes the house isn’t the cleanest but being 6 months pregnant I do what I can. During this row he’s told me I’m the “dirtiest woman on the earth” and if I want to “live in s**t then I can do it alone”. We have been going round in circles and basically he said he’s leaving the house, he doesn’t want to stay here and wants his “life back”. He tells me I “sit and eat and do nothing” which I wish was the case but it’s not. He’s always bringing food or my size into it somehow.
I have not heard from him or seen him since midnight, not
so much as a text to see how I am or anything considering I’m 6 months pregnant, let alone asking how his other kids are. I feel like all he does is criticise me, down grades me and puts me down, and I feel so low, but I still feel like I can’t do it without him, even though deep down I know I am anyway.
the fact he hasn’t even asked how I am makes me feel like he really doesn’t care about me or respect me in anyway. But part of me still wants to be with him because I don’t know how I can have a third child and do it all by myself. I’m petrified. I don’t know what to do, and I really need advise or someone to talk to, because pregnancy is lonely enough as it is.
just for context my house isn’t even that messy, I do my best 🥺🥺🥺
Hi GemmaC1990
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi Gemma,
I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sending you gentle hugs this evening, I can hear how upsetting this is for you. It sounds like you are juggling many things at the moment, looking after your children, your work, your home and all whilst being 6 months pregnant. You deserve a medal Gemma!
Can I ask, has your partners behaviour changed since you have been pregnant or has he always been this way towards you? I'm wondering whether the new pregnancy is bringing about stress for you both with the thought of your family growing? However, even if this is the case, it is awful to hear your partner 'criticises you, down grades you and puts you down'. No one deserves this, especially when you need your partner for extra emotional and physical support right now in pregnancy. Can I ask, do you have loved one's and friends you can lean on for support right now?
You mentioned, ' For the sake of the kids, I forgive him.' However, them witnessing this kind of behaviour towards you and you allowing it may cause them further problems in the future as they see you both as their role models and will believe this is a healthy way to treat people.
I can hear you are scared of the prospect of a future without your partner, you said, 'I feel so low, but I still feel like I can’t do it without him, even though deep down I know I am anyway.' You are doing it all alone right now Gemma but with the added pressure of your partners downgrading comments. If you could remove fear out of the way, is this a relationship you want to work on?
If you both do, would you consider couples counselling perhaps? Relate are a great free service offering expert advice to couples such as yourself. Home | Relate
I'll link in an article we have published on our site for you which gives support to those considering ending their relationship when they have children, Becoming A Single Parent - Netmums . It is helpful to gain as much support and help during this time to remove any obstacles to what you really want without the fear and anxiety.
Do let us know how you get on Gemma.
Take care,
Emma