At my wits end
24 answers /
Last post: 23/03/2023 at 7:40 pm
ive had enough, I’ve really really had enough, I’m so angry all the time, I don’t know how much more I can’t take of the way I’m living at this moment, I absolutely hate hate hate the man I live with, I resent and feel so much anger, there is no love no care towards him anymore. I’m exhausted, I’m tired and exhausted. It’s my home I’ve asked him to leave for the last year and he says he will find somewere and never does, when I lock him out he will be loud outside to draw attention and I let him in I feel embarrassed. He’s a crap father, he has never ever put his children to bed, never read them a story at night, never cooks for them, doesn’t clean “he says men shouldn’t clean” I’m currently sleeping on a mattress in my kids bedroom floor whilst he takes over my bed, he doesn’t work, he goes out around 1pm every day with his friends hanging around and doesn’t come home until 1-2am weekdays, weekends he goes to after parties until 6-7am, he’s 47yrs old. He comes home drunk waking the whole house up, starts cooking, calling all his family in another country on FaceTime shouting “talking” my 2 kids have additional needs, ASD, I’m up all day alone with them, when he is home he will do zoom calls at 2am-3am-4am he doesn’t care, my walls are plaster board I get woken every single night, I’ve been telling him for ages it wakes me up and he still continues and calls me crazy to his family and they all laugh, whenever I want to eat out I always have to pay for his food, he never pays for anything, I was abandoned by my dad at 10, he use to batter my mum and us children I haven’t seen or heard from him for 20yrs, he was alcoholic, he battered us too, my mum had to flee, he got my number somehow and called me 2yrs ago and tell me he should of put my mum in black bags and that I need to change my 2nd name because I can’t have his, I got upset about it the other day watching a advert and this man I lived with laughed and said “at least you got a dad” I wouldn’t consider myself having a father, I told him I have no father and he argued with me for ages sticking up for my dad although he has never met my dad and my dad has never met his grandchildren, I’ve had enough, I’m so sleep deprived, he will sleep all day then get up, go out, come home and do video calls loud all night and doesn’t care when me or the kids get woken, I get called crazy when I tell him I want to sleep. He makes things up and tells me i do stuff when I don’t, he stood on my brand new charger lead and snapped it in front of me and stood there and completely denied it and told me I was lying, he wakes up and accuses me of stealing money from his wallet although I have not touched his wallet, he says he counted it before bed when I have never stole in my life, he gambles a lot of borrows money, he must of won some money a couple of weeks for Christmas, I had to sit and watch him pack 5 large barrels full of new clothes, food, electricals, shoes, perfumes £1000 speaker, toys about £4k worth of stuff to send back to his country and he didn’t get our kids 1 present, not even £5 towards a present just nothing, I had to do it all alone and when I said I wasn’t happy he started shouting saying I think I’m superior than him and he will go and find another woman, he went out drinking Xmas eve, promised to come back earlier to help fix the bike together that I brought our daughter, he let us down, he came home drunk at 4:30am and slept til 2:30pm, woke up and didn’t even come down to say merry Xmas, he just videoed his family instead. Tonight I’ve been called crazy and mad woman again because I asked him to stop being loud if video calls at 1am. I’ve had enough. It may all seem minor to you but to me it’s a every day thing and the anger I have inside of my is really bad right now. I know I shouldn’t say this but I don’t want him part of mine and my daughters life. Our little girl was born 31/01/2021 she was 1lb 4oz and he was never there for me during my pregnancy I was so sick and he was out every day and night, when she was in nicu he was barely coming to see her, I was seeing messages of another woman laughing at me they were sleeping together. All I’ve wanted him to do is leave, I don’t wish for him to be part of our life anymore. I cry with anger every night. I no longer leave him house, I feel so down I just don’t know we’re to turn.
This doesn’t sound minor at all he sounds like he is being controlling and abusive. It’s your house so tell him to leave and if he doesn’t call the police. From what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like you have a partnership he’s using your place as somewhere to sleep and just doing whatever he wants living the single life and making your life hell.
Do you have family around you can talk to?
Hi Jessica,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships board, so you can get the advice and support you need.
Hi Jessica
I’m Lauren one of the parent supporters here on Netmums. I’m sorry to read what you are going through. This situation sounds dreadful.
You’ve told us that there is no respect in the relationship at all. No financial support, no help with the children and he is rude to you, laughs at you. This is not a healthy relationship. It sounds like an abusive one.
You have told us that it is your house and he refuses to leave. You can’t even sleep in your own bed.
You deserve so much more than this. Have a read through this information. Does any of it sound familiar? https://www.netmums.com/life/how-to-recognise-when-your-partner-is-abusing-you
Women’s Aid can give you advice regarding getting him out of your home. Is that something you would consider?
We are here to listen if you want to talk some more
Hi. This is domestic abuse. You need to make plans to have him removed from your home and/or your life. Don't accept this any longer. Are you sure he's not selling drugs whilst he's out all hours? Seems very suspect to me. Best wishes
You need to forget being embarrassed that he’s causing a scene, lock him out then call the police when he starts. If you’re brave enough tell him that this is what’s going to happen.
I have been in your position and put up with this sort of behaviour for years, if I knew now how easy it was to get rid by involving the police ….. I did end up with the alarm button in and I let him know it the next time he turned up trying to get in. Never came back near my door.
That was after all the he wasn’t scared from the police go ahead and call them blah blah. Honestly slept like a baby ever since and loads better off.
Police. NOW sweetheart. He's damaging all three of you.
Jessica none of this is minor, as others have said you are being abused. Please next time he goes out lock him out and do not let him back in, if he causes a scene call the police. Whilst he is out pack his stuff and leave it outside. Do you own your house or is it rented in your name? Look up Women’s Aid in your area and speak to them, get some help, you do not have to put up with this you deserve better xx
Hi Jessica,
I'm Katie, another Parent Supporter here and I just wanted to check in with you because it's been a while since you posted and I can hear how exhausted and trapped you were feeling.
Please do let us know that you are ok.
If you want some help to manage this Jessica and to get your home back for yourself, please do let us know and we can help you to get in touch with the right support organisations that will help you.
If you don't feel you can come back to us here, please know that you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline and they will be able to support you and keep you and the children safe. 0808 2000 247 https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/.
If you speak with them, they will be able to share information around possible injunctions that you may be able to get to protect yourself and the children from further abuse.
Katie x
Hello love,
You are right to be angry.
You are being abused. This is domestic abuse and coercive control. It's illegal.
Call Women's Aid, they are the best people to help you with your legal rights and to get him out of your house. Follow their instructions exactly.
Be strong and be consistent and you will be free - not instantly, but ultimately.
There is light at the end of the tunnel I promise.
It's not minor, he is awful and abusive. You need to contact Womens aid for some advice on how to get away from him, one way or another.
Absolutely get rid!! Boot him right out, hea clearly using you and your home to have the life he wants. You cannot be a good parent if your sleep deprived and angry all the time, think of your kids. He can go back to his 'family' if that's all he wants to do is speak to them at ungodly hours!
RING THE POLICE AND THEN KEEP ON RINGING THEM UNTIL HE GETS THE MESSAGE LOG EVERYTHING THREATEN HIM WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER !!! IT WILL GET WORSE AND SOUND LIKE HE WONT JUST LEAVE DONT FEEL SORRY FOR HIM HELL TRY TO !!! STICK IT THROUGH UNTIL YOUR HAPPY GOODLUCK
Kick him out and don’t worry what happens when he gets home at 1am.
youve 12 hours from him leaving to get locks changed and his stuff packed.
he likes to be with his mates so much he can go stay with them. You can even arrange for his stuff to be dropped off at his friends place. He’s plenty of money so you don’t need to worry about that.
you’ve one life, 1 change with your children, don’t waste your time on him.
good luck.
Go out with your kids and ring the police. You tell them you have asked him to leave numerous times. You tell them you are scared to confront him (even if it's only about an argument that large being in front of the kids) and you need them to remove him as he is now trespassing. You cannot stay in this situation. Your other option is to find somewhere else for you and your kids to move to, but why should you have to have so many changes to your kids routines and lives? To your life and routine? And if your concerned about him having the kids if you manage to get him out, please seek legal help. Good luck xxx