Need help

Hi Heather,

I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us - sending you a gentle hug this evening.

Heather, you and your children deserve to feel happy and safe. I wonder if you feel safe at home? You've mentioned that your partner ' has a temper and gets angry very easily, and has been aggressive with our son' and also 'he actually bit his shoulder really hard'. I can completely understand why you feel 'livid and so upset by this'. Do you feel worried about keeping your son safe? Heather, has your husband ever been aggressive towards you or your other child?

You've also shared that 'the last time I told him to leave, but somehow he ended up staying'. When you asked him to leave, how did he react? Have you been able to tell anyone how he behaves? Sorry for all the questions but it sounds like you and your children could be experiencing domestic abuse and I just want to make sure that we are supporting you as best we can.

You've mentioned you would like to come home to the UK - could you speak to family or friends who could give you some advice or support about this? I wonder if you are aware of Women's Aid - they are a UK based charity that support women and families who are experiencing Domestic Abuse and have some excellent information and resources on their website and a chat service. I'll link it here for you: What is domestic abuse? - Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

This UK government website also has lots of information about other support services and you might find it helpful to have a look at some of them. Here's the link: Domestic abuse: how to get help - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Hopefully some of our community will be along to offer their support soon but please come back and let us know how you and your children are - we're here to listen and help if you want to chat some more.

Take care

Catherine

Hi Catherine,

Thank you for replying to me. I don't feel unsafe for me, but I am anxious leaving partner alone with the children, he can't cope if they are fighting, he has never shown the same behaviour towards our daughter who is 4. My son is very active and is prone to meltdowns, and needs space to calm down and I would usually just reassure him and wait until he is ready for a cuddle and then he is off playing again, and I have noticed he seems to have a lot of anger towards partner. I know I should not be in this relationship, I just don't know how to navigate leaving, and because I grew up in a broken home, I always wanted my children to have both parents at home, I suppose that's why I have stayed, and also partners reaction, I don't know if he can accept that it's over, he always says to me your my woman, it makes me cringe, which I suppose isn't a good sign.

Hi Heather,

I'm Loraine, another of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums and I work alongside Catherine.

I've just been catching up with your thread this morning and I can hear how concerned you are about leaving your partner alone with the children, especially your son. You said: 'Over the last couple of years there's been a couple of instances of him losing his temper with our son, and the last time I told him to leave, but somehow he ended up staying' - do you feel able to tell us a bit more about this Heather? You said you 'don't feel unsafe for me' , does that mean you don't feel like your children are safe right now unless you're around?

Physical and emotional abuse towards children is completely unacceptable behaviour and sadly there is evidence to show that children who are brought up in this kind of environment, can go on to be detrimentally affected right through to adulthood, so you're right to be concerned.

Catherine gave you a couple of links last night to have a look through - have you managed to do that yet? I also wanted to draw your attention to the NSPCC website. You can contact them in complete confidence and talk to a trained counsellor about your concerns for your son. They also have lots of information on their website which you might find helpful to read through. You can find out more at: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/nspcc-helpline/

You've taken the first brave step by writing to us here Heather and whilst we can't signpost you to local services (as you don't live in the UK), the information and advice on the websites we've given you is still valid to your situation.

Keep chatting here if you find it helpful and we'll try to support you in any way we can.

Loraine x