Baby might not be partners…

Hi Ella,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Ella,

I’m Emma, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. Sending you a big hug this evening in this distressing situation Ella.

You are left in a difficult position and it is important you look after your wellbeing during your pregnancy, I wonder if there is someone you can trust who will not share further in order for you to be able to gain some in person support around this?

There is some further information about getting a DNA test here: https://www.gov.uk/get-a-dna-test .

Hopefully some of our community here will be able to offer some insight too for you but do keep talking if you need further help during this time Ella.

Take care,

Emma

Hi Ella my friend was in a similar position to yourself.Instead of carrying this worry and stress throughout your pregnancy why don’t you tell your partner the truth?Then at least it’s off your chest.You will have enough going on without worrying about DNA tests.

Then as your partner will think it’s his I’m assuming he is going to expect too be on birth certificate?

Then say it doesn’t turn out too be his you wil have a baby registered in someone else’s name.More upset for you and your little family.I hope it works out what ever your choice is.x

You need to inform your husband/ partner that the baby may not be his . He is entitled to the truth . So he can make an informed decision if he is prepared to raise the baby as his regardless if it is or not . You owe him the truth and the decency of the truth. Yes he will be hurt , but by being upfront and honest he may be able to forgive you and get past that . And the decision of if a dna test needs doing should be with him and whether he wants to know the truth. Also your ex is a factor in it here too as it could well be his child. Do you know if your ex wants to know if its his ? Or if he has suspicions that its his baby ?

Honesty is best policy. But you have the rest of your pregnancy for your partner/ husband to come to terms with the truth and decide what he wants with regards to you and the baby

I don’t know what to say but this is not nice this called cheating .

think of the punishment of god and things never ever hide for longer. It is better to tell the truth to your partner.

You need to tell the truth. Absolutely disgusting of you to think you don’t have to. How you can mess with this man’s emotions is heartbreaking. Sorry if the truth hurts, but can you imagine if this was a man posting this! The stick he would get! No sympathy at all. How you can be trying for a baby with one person but sleep with another is a joke. Also your baby deserves to know who their dad is.

I have done a dna test on my oldest two to see if they were full siblings as I don’t thhave same they are 13&12 now turned out my baby was my Exs I only slept with him once but I had only been in a new relationship for 5 weeks so I was kinda relived it was my exs so this new guy and me well we didn’t last long once I told him I was pregnant but had slept with my ex the dates were within 4 days of each other so it was almost impossible to work out. Also my 6 year old was a pull out baby so it can and does happen. The dna test I done was just swabs of tbe mouth at the time was around £400 and took 12 days for results which said they had a 99.999997% chance of being full siblings

She can do dna test with baby and her husband: partner when baby is born . Costs £90 a lot cheaper than a sibling test

So immature

Are you sure you Ex is the father of your daughter

It doesn't matter whether you do the dna test as your husband/partner has a right to know that you cheated on him. Are you really that selfish that you would omit this from him so he can make an informed decision about what is best for HIM and his well being because clearly what's best for him is not you. He needs to know that he runs the risk of you slipping back into someone else's bed. There's a word for people who have sex with their other half and then have sex with someone completely different TWO DAYS later. Your partner deserves better. Are you even planning on telling your ex you could be pregnant with his kid? Would you have even told them if it came back positive for your ex or would you just keep quiet and let your partner think the baby is his? I think I already know the answer to that considering you wanted to know about dna testing without anyone knowing SMFH

Lol yes 😂

You can't let the poor man go through the pregnancy all excited thinking he's going to be a dad, and then perhaps take that away from him because you can't keep your knickers on or worse lie to him for life.

What are you going to do If baby is your ex partners not your current partner

Oh dear 😞 what a horrible situation you’ve gotten yourself in to. I can understand you wanting to find out first so you don’t need to hurt your partner as badly by saying “I cheated AND the baby might not be yours” but if it does turn out that he’s not the father then he would’ve went through a pregnancy and birth super excited to then have it all taken away from him. There is also the embarrassment for him having to tell all of his relatives “actually this isn’t your grandchild” etc. I wholeheartedly believe he needs to know that you cheated on him and that there is ambiguity in the paternity at the moment. Your ex also needs to know there is a possibility. I’m likely to think it’s the exes due to not having been able to conceive for the last 4 years with your partner but really the only way to know is by testing. I’m pretty sure there are now dna tests that can be done during pregnancy but I have no idea of risks or costs associated with it. May I ask what led to you cheating? Were you and your partner arguing? Or having struggles? Nothing makes it ok but to me it is a sign that something deeper is going on here that you need to look at within your relationship. I definitely agree with the others that you need to come clean though and take whatever fall out may come from it as it isn’t fair on your partner or your children. Hope you are ok xx