It was doomed from the beginning

17 answers /

Last post: 14/01/2023 at 9:05 am

Tilly T

30/12/2022 at 9:51 pm

How to leave a relationship that isn’t working , I’ve been with my partner 3 years we have a child together I feel exhausted and worn down from the day we met his ex stalked abused threatened me and he bow down to her every demand as he has a child to her she has the life of Riley due to him ,she done terrible things to me and throughout my pregnancy i was tormented by her I got calls in the night saying who’s the daddy moo etc saying he preferred blonds said he goes with prostitutes and he was only with me cause he couldn’t have her . She would say he begged her back while with me which he denied but he never cut her off says he had to play it her way to try see his child but she never let him see . we fell out a lot due to her and each time he would tell her and ask to see his child which she loved she would make sure I new he had told her we fell out by posting on her fb thing like stop asking me back then say things like your so desperate he is begging me back and you can’t see it , he denied it said he only asked to see his child , she done things constant then he signed his house to her said he wanted his child to her to have a bought home as she didn’t work with been on benefits and having a council house so this caused huge problems for us so I gave him a ultimatum if he gave her it we where over so he went to a lawyer to reverse what he signed she got a letter from the lawyer went crazy but we stood our ground she got really nasty called social services on me while pregnant made up all these lies they came seen me and seen through her lies they told us to cut all contact with her their words where you don’t know what version you will get keep yourselfs safe , the. He contacts he again a few weeks later it was the child birthday and he asked to see the child few emails she ignored then we get the police at the door she has said it was unwanted contact and he was harassing her she then calls him private number says she will leave us alone if he just gives her his house which he says yes I fell out with him he was away for a few days and had been in touch with her again even went a school run with her I was livid that he even wanted to talk to her after what she put us through but apparently I was in the wrong he wanted time with his child , she claimed to sleep with him again as she has 100 times fast forward and I’ve had the baby he’s gave her his house she isn’t letting him see his child unless leaves us . He told her he wasn’t going to end us and she done what she always has I was getting calls private number saying I was trash he loves her he’s been with her Etc I’ve now a new number and we haven’t heard from her for 2 months but I hate him for doing everything she wanted he’s now in a lot of debt he gave her his house that he renovated and left her all his furniture brand new we have to start again we need a bigger house as and we aren’t in the position to do so cause of it . She gets £650 per month csa off him aswell he earns a good wage but had been left in 30+ grand pf debt renovating that house she has , I’ve 3 children I’ve always worked full time and do my best I took a year off working while I had our baby it was maternity leave so my job was still there and all he said was I better get back to work as the maternity pay didn’t stretch the full year but I didn’t care I wanted time with my baby I worked nightshift uptill the week before the baby Was born , he was so unsupportive when my pay went down I started a new job full time just better hours and closer to home and feel like nothing I do is good enough I work I run a house I pay my way but he’s always moaning and I resent him for knowing all he did for his ex who never worked yet I am and trying my best . I hate him at times and wish I ended it when I was pregnant I’ve never had a birthday or Christmas presents off him ye she got expensive things but apparently he doing it fr a quiet life 😕 I stayed with him while his ex put me through hell and he allowed it , and in arguments he will say he lost seeing his child cause of me I done nothing but meet someone who has a crazy ex and I’ve tried to stay sane through it yet she’s the one who’s living in luxury while we aren’t and i get the blame for all their crap . I hate the full situation. Total rant sorry but I can’t see this ever working.

Chelle

01/01/2023 at 8:23 am

Hi Tilly

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships, so you can get the advice and support you need.

Katie P(2400)

01/01/2023 at 6:59 pm

Hi Tilly,

I'm so sorry to read that you have been through such a stressful and upsetting time because of your partner's ex. It sounds like you have been really needing him to support you and the children, but instead have been feeling that your needs have been put last, would you agree Tilly?

From what you have shared with us here, I can hear that you have had enough and understandably feel that you cannot continue to live in this way. This relationship doesn't sound like a healthy or happy one and you deserve to be happy.

Tilly, have you considered speaking to Women's Aid about how you have been treated and how your partner makes you feel? It could be a really good way to unpick your thoughts and explore your options going forward. Ending a relationship can be really difficult and it is good to have support with this. They will also be able to help you to leave the relationship in the safest way.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Please do let us know how you are and hopefully other members will also offer some advice and support here soon too.

Katie x

Vicky R(435)

13/01/2023 at 5:20 pm

Wow!

You poor love. What a dreadful situation. I think you’ve given the relationship enough time.

I think you need to put you and your babies first.

do you have family you could stay with or try Women’s Aid.

look after you and you tiny ones xx

Gail T(36)

13/01/2023 at 5:22 pm

Ummm, I stopped at from the day we met!!

Why did you have a relationship with a man that obviously doesn't adore you!

You are worth more!

Elaine G(6)

13/01/2023 at 6:07 pm

I am sorry you’re going through this but research has shown that men don’t like or value women who make things easy for them. I think he will resent you for being that way. The relationship is non-existent anyway. You should have left earlier but there is still time to leave. Choose yourself

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Joanne F(517)

13/01/2023 at 6:09 pm

I agree. It’s never going to work so please just split up and leave him, have some peace of mind for yourself and your kids.

Tilly T

13/01/2023 at 6:18 pm

In answer to

Joanne F(517)

I agree. It’s never going to work so please just split up and leave him, have some peace of mind for yourself and your kids.

Just thought I would give an update , we split up New Year’s Day and it’s been so much better he’s moved in with family until he sorts his own place and I am finally having a clear head focusing on my little family without there drama . Thanks for the comments

Danielle M(795)

13/01/2023 at 6:32 pm

Hi Tilly

Completely sympathise for your current situation. Am guessing that there’s a reason you stuck around this long and the relationship isn’t all bad. Sounds to me like if there wasn’t his ex’s hold you could see a future.

Giving his ex an house in the hopes of seeing his child is barbaric… why did he simply not apply to court if he could afford to give up a house he could easily afford to take that route of action.

He has parental responsibility for his other child which thankfully he sounds like he is taking accountability for, that does not however give his ex the rights to manipulate him ( I would strongly suggest he seeks the legal route n just cuts his scornful ex out the equation)- not sure if this is something you have discussed before if not would definitely suggest considering.

How easy is it for you to discuss things with your partner - if not easy have you ever considered writing him a letter (I know bit old fashioned but it’s great way of saying how you feel if talking isn’t an option).

You need to think what do you believe is best for you and your children hun, the cost of living these days is putting enormous pressure on lots of people but he shouldn’t be making you feel like your not doing enough when it certainly sounds like you are.

Wish you all the best whatever you decide to do ….. just do what’s going to make you happy 😊

Amy S(176)

13/01/2023 at 6:33 pm

I'd be inclined to believe his ex!

My ex cheated and lied our whole relationship. I broke up with him and hated him. He is round all the time begging to come back, tells me he is looking for a replacement me. He gives me any money I need and childcare if I want it. He tells me how beautiful and amazing I am.

If I dare try and tell his girlfriend any of this he makes out like I'm crazy! I want him back (I don't!) And I'm jealous and trying to do whatever I can to destroy his relationship.

I'm not saying this is the same for you but I'd definitely be suspicious of him crazy making. It's so much easier for you to hate her and vice versa. He will probably be saying things to her about you.

As for police and social services, that must of been really hard for you. But again he made me believe the ex before me wasn't a good mum, neglectful etc. And his now girlfriend is hardly ever with her son. So he might even be making his ex believe there was a reason to report something.

Can't find your answer?

Danielle M(795)

13/01/2023 at 6:34 pm

In answer to

Danielle M(795)

Hi Tilly

Giving his ex an house in the hopes of seeing his child is barbaric… why did he simply not apply to court if he could afford to give up a house he could easily afford to take that route of action.

Wish you all the best whatever you decide to do ….. just do what’s going to make you happy 😊

Oops just seen comment you split up most my post irrelevant now lol glad your happy now though 😊

Katie P(2400)

13/01/2023 at 7:59 pm

In answer to

Tilly T

Hi Tilly,

Thank you for coming back to update us here. I am so glad to hear that things are already so much better.

It sounds like you have made some brave and exciting changes and you and your little ones are so much better for it.

Take care x

Adele T(106)

13/01/2023 at 8:43 pm

This sounds like the situation my sister is in except she's struggling to conceive qnd the crazy ex is the mother of his only child. Alll I know I'd my sister has recently been sectioned due to this womans harrasment 2 years of it for no other reason then she met a single guy and they started dating. I'm so angry with her partner for letting his ex do this to her because now I've got involved in it after my sister begging me not to previously but if he can't stand up for you and your family he isn't worth it.

Sanam R(3)

13/01/2023 at 11:18 pm

Seriously girl. What are you doing with this guy? He is still in love with his ex by the looks of it. Somehow in a warped reality and probably wishes things could go back to how they used to be with him, her and their child. Sorry if I sound horrible. Clearly you need to work out if you want to put yourself first or to stick with him and then be put second. Right now you maybe don't mind as much but what about when your child gets put second. Well they already have seeing as he has passed on his house to his ex. Really disgusting behaviour on his part. Have you ever said you would break up? What was his reaction?

Sanam R(3)

13/01/2023 at 11:20 pm

In answer to

Tilly T

Sorry just read this. Well done you. Maybe it will allow him to get his priorities straight.