My daughter has pierced her friends ears-mum fuming
16 answers /
Last post: 10/04/2023 at 1:31 pm
I feel so bad about this, my daughter had her friend here for a sleep over at the weekend they are both 10-but a grown up 10, they like make up and doing each others hair and the like. They are generally good kids but for some mad reason they decided to pierce each others ears with a needle while in her bedroom on Saturday night. I didn't know anything until Sunday morning and I was horrified, cleaned them both up with antiseptic and read the riot act.
This girl's mum is not happy at all and is threatening all sorts-saying this is assault and that we are neglectful parents-which we are def not.
I need help with how to deal with both the other parent and my daughter-what is a suitable punishment?
I think I'd be apologetic but clear that you are equally upset that her daughter pierced your daughters ears. I would be saying that I was going to be speaking to my daughter and implementing a suitable consequence and assume that she will be doing the same. I'm guessing sleepovers are out of the question until she's earned back some trust so that would be my first port of call with regards consequence and then just focusing the discussion around how this is a decision which shouldn't be taken lightly and certainly shouldn't have any kind of peer pressure involved. I'd focus on how easily someone can feel pressured into something and how much regret there would be if there was in infection as a result of the poor conditions and either of them lost part of their ear or were disfigured. Aside from banning sleepovers and supervising her time with friends in the home (communal areas only) for a period I wouldn't do anything else. That in itself is likely enough.
Kids will be kids! I've done it and many others have.
So long as you've told her this isn't on, and the dangers there isn't much else you can do.
Explain to the other parent that you have spoken to your daughter, appropriately disciplined and you hope she will do the same to hers (as she pierced your daughters ear too?)
Leave it at that.
Kids do stupid things.
Her daughter was complicit and I assume she pierced your daughters ears.
They could have done this at the other girls house, at school, or generally anywhere.
Girls did this at my middle school, on the school grounds.
Tell the mum to have a word with her own daughter and ***** off!
I bet they planned it weeks' in advance. Kids are such fun right!
I would simply ban sleepovers for the foreseeable.
As for the mother who thinks her daughter did no wrong to pierce your daughter's ears, but yours committed assault by piercing her daughter's ears, I would ignore her. She's a crazy woman to imagine it couldn't just as easily happened in her house.
I'd be very upset too if i was the friends mother, but i dont think id be blaming you as the parent. At 5 years old yes, id expect you to be supervising them but not at 10 years old. Id only expect you to be in the house. As a PP said - i bet this could just as easily have happened at her house!!
I'd be apologetic that it happened but that it absolutely was not allowed or condoned by you and if you had been aware of it you would of course have stopped it and you have educated and disciplined DD accordingly.
If she wants to continue to be angry at you after that then i would stop putting any of your attention or focus on to it because there is nothing more that you can do. The ear holes will heal, its not the end of the world.
Kids will be kids. It's not something I thought ten year old would do or know how to and could get infected so understand mums probs but I'd make sure your watching the kids at all times next time as that's quite dangerous to do just hope it doesn't get infected
Kids do stupid things.
Her daughter was complicit and I assume she pierced your daughters ears.
They could have done this at the other girls house, at school, or generally anywhere.
Girls did this at my middle school, on the school grounds.
Tell the mum to have a word with her own daughter and ***** off!
telling the other mum to f*** off isn't the best approach ?!!
Oh I'd definitely be banning sleep overs , and having friends over or going to friends for a few weeks
Then for a few months they are inly allowed in communal areas and you will no allow them privacy on sleep overs as you will be checking in on them regularly
Show her videos of infected ears from botch jobs and take her to a piercing place to have them checked and get them to tell her what an idiot she is
Say to your daughter you don't know if her friends mum will let her stay again now, ask her what she thought would happen after you saw as its obviously going to be immediately visable. Ask hebwhyvshe didn't just asked to have them pierced.
Say to the mum I'm sorry it happened under my watch but had the sleepover been planned for their house it would have like have resulted in the same and thought she has the right to feel angry and you'd be a bit angry too you wouldn't blame her because the kids are 10 and you don't expect to have to watch them constantly, but now until they can be trusted again you will be watching them like a hawk.
At a pinch, both girls have been watching content on youtube about home earpiercing. Content which is above their age range. Maybe age appropriate restrictions should be set on any device one/both girls have access to?
I'd be very upset too if i was the friends mother, but i dont think id be blaming you as the parent. At 5 years old yes, id expect you to be supervising them but not at 10 years old. Id only expect you to be in the house. As a PP said - i bet this could just as easily have happened at her house!!
I'd be apologetic that it happened but that it absolutely was not allowed or condoned by you and if you had been aware of it you would of course have stopped it and you have educated and disciplined DD accordingly.
If she wants to continue to be angry at you after that then i would stop putting any of your attention or focus on to it because there is nothing more that you can do. The ear holes will heal, its not the end of the world.
The ear holes will only heal up if they don't put earings in them.
Both girls were compliant in this and there’s no evidence to suggest your daughter was the instigator.
i think you have every right to be equally annoyed with her parenting and her daughters behaviour.
Reality is, this is all part of growing up - making good choices making bad ones and living with the consequences.
Theres potentially worse to come!!
(alcohol/claiming to be at friends houses and not/smoking/ etc etc)
But as a mother of grown up children I’d ban the sleepovers for a bit and just be a bit stricter so she realises how good she had it and I think I’d be taking her to Claire’s or somewhere and having the ears pierced properly.
wishing you well in your daughters teenage years 😂
Ok so they both pierced each others ears !! Very upsetting but not assault , I’d be very upset but I think the mum is overreacting a bit !! I remember doing this when I was a child but that was a long time ago 🤪 blame both of them and how would you normally punish as it’s not a major thing I don’t think , maybe grounding !! Kids will be kids and you can’t watch them 24/7 they need to have some space and privacy so don’t blame yourself either as your obviously not happy or condoning it
She wants to throw an assault accusation around then you could do the same about her daughter doing this to yours. She has every right to be upset but at her own daughter as she obviously broke her rules. Who watches two 10 year olds all night?! How were you to stop them?
apologies and leave it at that.
as for your daughter. I would explain the severity of permanent body piercings/ tattoos and explain it’s FOREVER. But after that I wouldn't be punishing her. I would be more concerned about whether she was hurt. If she had cut the other kids hair, would you be as upset? She didn’t do anything evil, they’re little girls trying to be grown up. If necessary and it hasn’t worked properly, I would take her to a proper piercing professional and make sure it’s all fine.
She wants to throw an assault accusation around then you could do the same about her daughter doing this to yours. She has every right to be upset but at her own daughter as she obviously broke her rules. Who watches two 10 year olds all night?! How were you to stop them?
apologies and leave it at that.
as for your daughter. I would explain the severity of permanent body piercings/ tattoos and explain it’s FOREVER. But after that I wouldn't be punishing her. I would be more concerned about whether she was hurt. If she had cut the other kids hair, would you be as upset? She didn’t do anything evil, they’re little girls trying to be grown up. If necessary and it hasn’t worked properly, I would take her to a proper piercing professional and make sure it’s all fine.
Ps they may have watched the Parent Trap - they were 10 and at summer camp in that film and pierced one of theirs ears. Your girls didn’t even have to watch YouTube to see something which may have triggered this idea - that’s a Disney film.