What on Earth is happening !!
5 answers /
Last post: 17/04/2023 at 9:26 pm
Hi everyone ….
I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on right now and has been the same for the last few months …
I’ve been with my partner for over 2 years now , recently gotten engaged.
For the last few months things have been very strange and I’m starting to doubt myself about this relationship?
since October our sex life is near enough zero ! I came off the pill due to my partner moaning I didn’t want to have sex which is true I didn’t - we spoke about it and I took action right away I came off the pill , spoke to my doctors to be referred to be sterilised my appointment is next week . Now where I have had a massive increase in my sex drive , it’s gone the other way with my partner every time we used a condom he either couldn’t get it up or it would go down half way through , he now doesn’t want it at all, he cannot get a ***** , if I touch him
to initiate things nothing happens , I have now stopped doing this but he moans I don’t touch him anymore - why would I touch him if it is affecting my mental health and me thinking he doesn’t want me ? I suggest doing other things but he isn’t interested 😔. He pulls every excuse he can , if I mention the word sex or anything about it, and says to me it is like he has no feeling for it.
I have now come to the conclusion that he isn’t interested in me what so ever , he loves me but he isn’t sexually attracted to me . We are meant to be getting married next year !
He has told me that it is nothing to do with me he isn’t sure what is wrong but he is refusing to see someone about it .
I can’t keep on living like I am unwanted and unattractive to someone …. I understand that people go through dry patches but we are having sex 2 times a month and it is literally in out get it done on his side. He doesn’t understand why I am getting upset and tells me I am silly , which I am not silly these are my feelings … he doesn’t touch me , doesn’t hold my hand , we hardly speak anymore .
he doesn’t seem to be bothered about it , which is the frustrating part of it ….
i don’t even know how to fix it …. Or if this can even be fixed - I don’t want to marry someone who is making me feel like this 😔😔
Hi Jodie,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - unhealthy relationships, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi Jodie,
I hope you don't mind that we moved your post over to this board. I read through and really wanted to offer you a reply.
I can hear that you want to fix this so much but it sounds like there is a breakdown in communication because your partner recognises that there is an issue, but isn't feeling able to seek support for it.
This then understandably leaves you making assumptions that you aren't enough for him, that he isn't sexually attracted to you, but really you don't know what is truly going on because he is brushing your comments off as 'silly' and doesn't appear motivated to change things or really talk about it. Does that sound right Jodie?
Is this an issue that has started since you came off the pill?
You mentioned that the issue started as he had to use condoms and it may have been these that were affecting his sex drive. Once this has happened once or twice, it may then cause anxiety which can also affect libido.
It sounds like you are trying really hard to find a way through this and you really need him to communicate with you so that you feel you are both on the same page.
Is there a way that you could start that conversation with him and confront how you are feeling in a way that you can feel heard Jodie?
Katie x
Hi Jodie,
I hope you don't mind that we moved your post over to this board. I read through and really wanted to offer you a reply.
I can hear that you want to fix this so much but it sounds like there is a breakdown in communication because your partner recognises that there is an issue, but isn't feeling able to seek support for it.
This then understandably leaves you making assumptions that you aren't enough for him, that he isn't sexually attracted to you, but really you don't know what is truly going on because he is brushing your comments off as 'silly' and doesn't appear motivated to change things or really talk about it. Does that sound right Jodie?
Is this an issue that has started since you came off the pill?
You mentioned that the issue started as he had to use condoms and it may have been these that were affecting his sex drive. Once this has happened once or twice, it may then cause anxiety which can also affect libido.
It sounds like you are trying really hard to find a way through this and you really need him to communicate with you so that you feel you are both on the same page.
Is there a way that you could start that conversation with him and confront how you are feeling in a way that you can feel heard Jodie?
Katie x
I have tried so many times to speak to him about it, I’ve told him how I feel and what it is doing to my mental health …. He told me that he would speak to the doctors a few months back but has he … NO and will he no he won’t.
we stopped using condoms and I stayed off the pill - (when and if we do anything I am very careful and follow my cycle)
it was ok for a few days then it started happening again but this time it could be weeks and weeks before we do anything and even then it might not even Happen , he pulls excuse after excuse . There’s been times just before I am due on actually that I really really want to have sex with him , spoke about it all day , mentioned doing different things I really looked forward to it etc then around an hour or so before we head to bed he will actually eat so much , to the point he feels unwell , he rejects me and says oh maybe in the morning , tomorrow night - I don’t feel well ! He’s done this on a few occasions now and it seems like he actually does it on purpose there is always an excuse .
I have also noticed which I have to say is unusual to me as I’ve never experienced it with anyone else before-
that when he is pleasuring me he doesn’t and has never gotten turned on by it , like never it’s still as soft as a mr whippy.
I now don’t want him to do that to me anymore because of this as it just makes me feel even more crap ! I hope you understand what I mean - it’s quite hard to type out .
Hi Jodie,
I hope you don't mind that we moved your post over to this board. I read through and really wanted to offer you a reply.
I can hear that you want to fix this so much but it sounds like there is a breakdown in communication because your partner recognises that there is an issue, but isn't feeling able to seek support for it.
This then understandably leaves you making assumptions that you aren't enough for him, that he isn't sexually attracted to you, but really you don't know what is truly going on because he is brushing your comments off as 'silly' and doesn't appear motivated to change things or really talk about it. Does that sound right Jodie?
Is this an issue that has started since you came off the pill?
You mentioned that the issue started as he had to use condoms and it may have been these that were affecting his sex drive. Once this has happened once or twice, it may then cause anxiety which can also affect libido.
It sounds like you are trying really hard to find a way through this and you really need him to communicate with you so that you feel you are both on the same page.
Is there a way that you could start that conversation with him and confront how you are feeling in a way that you can feel heard Jodie?
Katie x
And yes it has been since I came off the pill in October . He suggested I come off it because I didn’t want sex , and to be honest I didn’t enjoy it . So I made the efforts to come off it , have horrible periods lol spoke to my doctor right away - and for some reason it’s had the complete opposite effect on him .