When a relationship breaks down, minimising the impact on the kids is always a top priority, and that often means making sure they can stay in the family home. But deciding where each of you will live, and how to cover the separate living costs, can be a huge challenge.

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Coming up with a solution for living arrangements that work for you, your ex and the children is often the most stressful part of any separation.

But knowing your rights, the legal implications and where to go for help can make the whole process more manageable.

So, we've asked expert Jane Robey from National Family Mediation for her advice to help you negotiate this bumpy ground ...

What right do I have to stay in the family home after a split?

There are no set rules when it comes to decisions about homes and ownership.

You can make whatever arrangements you like with your partner, but it's wise to bear in mind the legal position and what a court might decide.

‘There are very few circumstances where your partner can make you leave your home and both partners have the right to remain in the family home, but courts will give priority to making sure children have a secure home,' explains Jane.

'If you have day-to-day care of the children, the courts can, for example, order the transfer of a joint lease to your sole name if you rent, or, if you're a homeowner, state that you can stay in your present home until the kids reach the age of 18.

'Although your home will probably be the biggest financial concern, decisions about housing will be made in the context of the whole divorce settlement. So, for example, child maintenance payments may include mortgage payments,' she says.

You can find more information on your rights at Citizens Advice .

Will I need to go to court to stay in my house?

If you can't reach an agreement with your ex about housing, in some circumstances you may need to go to court to protect your rights if you’re worried you might lose your home.

‘There is no set way of dividing your assets when you separate,’ explains Jane.

‘As your home is likely to be one of the largest assets, it’s important to look at the whole picture before deciding on a single decision about housing.

‘The best way to get an overview of your situation is to go to mediation.

'A mediator will help you draw together all the information you both need to make an informed decision about what to do with your possessions, assets and liabilities and how to divide them.’

The thought of sitting in a room with your ex, dividing up your once-shared life, can be pretty daunting, but mediators are highly trained and skilled at helping couples navigate these discussions, even if they are no longer on the best of terms.

‘Family Mediators can help you reach an agreement that’s equitable and fair and satisfies the legal requirements for divorce or separation; provide for your individual needs now you are separated; and above all ensure that your children’s needs can be met,’ says Jane.

‘They enable you to discuss everything – from the smallest detail, like who gets the silver teaspoons, to the biggest things, like the house, pension, boat, bike, and car.

‘It means you’ll be able to tailor your agreements and decisions to meet your needs and those of your family, whereas going to court often results in decisions being made that don’t really suit anyone’s needs.’

Legal aid is available for family mediation. You can find more information on getting legal aid for your separation here .

In the unlikely event that mediation doesn't help you come to an agreement, you may need to go to court. The court might order that:

• Ownership stays the same, but one of you is given the right to stay in the property until a fixed point (for example, when your youngest child reaches 18).
• Ownership of the home is transferred to one of you, with perhaps a lesser share of other possessions.
• The home is transferred to one of you but with a charge secured on the property, so that the other party receives a set percentage when the home is sold.
• The home is sold and the proceeds split between you, in whatever proportions seem fair, for you both to start afresh.
• Ownership is transferred to your child .

What happens to rented properties after a separation or divorce?

'If your property is rented in joint names, you both have the right to remain in the home, and are both liable for paying the rent. In this case you remain liable for the rent even if you leave the property,' says Jane.

‘However, different types of tenancy can make it less straightforward. If you have a ‘periodic tenancy’ (one that has no end date), for example, and it’s in joint names, either one of you can apply to the landlord to terminate the tenancy without the permission of the other. Once the tenancy has ended then it cannot be transferred.

'If it's in one name only, that person is responsible for the rent, but both of you have the right to remain in the property while the tenancy agreement is still valid and you're still married or in a civil partnership.

'But once your marriage or civil partnership is officially over, your right to stay in the property ends.

'Your partner must give you "reasonable notice" to leave, which could be 28 days or less.'

If you agree that one of you will stay in the property and the other will move out, make sure you contact the landlord to end the current agreement and set up a new one in the sole name of the partner who's staying put.

The landlord may agree to carry on renting to one of you, but if they don't, you might both have to move out.

If you and your ex can't agree on who stays in the rental property, you may be able to get a court order transferring the tenancy agreement from one of you to the other, or from joint names to just one of you.

What happens if my home is in my ex's name?

'If the home is in just your partner's name, you're less likely to have any right to stay or to share in the proceeds if the home is sold. Your partner must give you ‘reasonable notice' to leave,' explains Jane.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you don't have a claim to some share in the equity in the property.

It may be that you haven't contributed financially to the property, but the law recognises in marriage and other partnerships that while one person might be the breadwinner the other spouse contributes to the marriage in other non-financial ways.

‘When a couple marry or enter a civil partnership each person automatically becomes entitled to Matrimonial Home Rights.

'This gives both spouses an automatic legal right to occupy the matrimonial home regardless of whose name the property is in,' says Jane.

‘The situation may arise during separation where the person who owns the property decides to sell the home without the consent of the non-owning spouse.

'However, you might be able to protect your rights to the house by using a Home Rights Notice .

'This is a notice that is placed on the title deed at the land registry and makes it clear to any potential purchaser that a non-owning spouse has Matrimonial Home Rights to occupy the property.

'You might also be able to take court action against your partner if they try to make you move out, or stop you moving back in if you've moved out temporarily.

'You might also have some right to the home if you can show that you contributed towards it (for example, paid towards mortgage payments, or paid other bills in exchange for your partner paying the mortgage), or that the original intention was that you would share the home.

'A family mediator can take you through all the steps you need to consider. The agreement reached can then be used to form the basis of a court order that will make your agreement legally binding.'

Who stays in the house if we're joint owners?

'If you're joint property owners , you have equal share of the property you own together. Usually, you can only sell it if you both agree. It may be possible for one of you to buy out the other's share,' says Jane.

'If you're divorcing or separating and want to keep joint ownership of the property, you can change from joint owners to tenants in common .

'This enables you to each own a different percentage of the property (so, for example, you may get a bigger share if the children live with you).

'It also means you can leave your share of the property to someone else in your will, rather than it all going automatically to your ex.'

Will I need to sell the family home after a divorce?

Selling the family home is often seen as the easiest option if you're splitting up.

But there can be problems: for example, you might have trouble finding a buyer, or be caught in negative equity (when the value of your home is less than the amount you owe on the mortgage).

This could make it impossible to sell and split the proceeds.

You might also struggle to get a mortgage on a new property, especially if you have only a small deposit or if your income is low.

You may need to consider other options, such as one of you staying in the property while the other rents, or living together in the family home in the short-term.

Before you make a decision:

• Budget carefully before committing to a housing arrangement. No matter how tempting it may be to stay in your family home, make sure you can afford to continue living there.
• Check out mortgage options, what's available and what you can afford. Some building societies and banks offer Fresh Start mortgages for people starting anew.
• Find out if you're eligible for state benefits to help with your housing costs.
• Accept that your lifestyle will change, at least for now, and be prepared to compromise.

A Woman's Guide to Divorce: How to take control of the whole process, including finances, children and the emotional journey is a must-read. See more details here at Amazon.

Where can I get advice about my home after a divorce?

As parents, ideally, you should be able to make decisions concerning your children and living arrangements between you, rather than relying on the courts to decide where your kids should live and how much time they should spend with each parent.

But if you need help coming to an agreement, family mediation could help you resolve your disputes.

This is a confidential process where an impartial expert mediator will help you to negotiate all aspects of divorce and separation, and is often cheaper and less stressful than going through the courts.

You can contact National Family Mediation for more advice.

To share your worries or get help, talk to other Netmums users and our Parent Supporters in our divorce and separation forum.

You can also find more advice on separating from your partner and making a fresh start in our articles below.

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