Mother in law never to blame
14 answers /
Last post: 14/04/2023 at 5:18 pm
My mother in law won’t admit she’s wrong. There’s been a number of occasions where I’ve been annoyed and been called unreasonable or ungrateful.
i am thankful she looks after her every so often but she is stuck in her ways and one of those people who says “I know how to raise kids, I had 2”. She gave my daughter (8 weeks I think at the time) water. She claimed she was hungry (she’d just eaten) and gave her a few ounces of water. When I explained that it’s dangerous, she refused to look after her for a week until she realised that I wasn’t going to say she was right.
my little girl came home today with a red sore nappy rash and when I text her about it. I simply asked what size nappy she had used and explained she’s now in size 3. I could see the nappy was a size 2. She claimed it was nothing to do with her and she had it in when she went to hers the night before. I explained that we changed her mins before she left the house and there was nothing. She then said she changed her as soon as she got to hers (it’s a 5 min walk) and that it was there then so my partner just must not have seen it.
I try not to place blame and try to educate her that things have changed/ ask thing nicely but it’s never her fault. She always seems to think she knows best and any issues it our fault. She even text me regarding the rash trying to tell me “what I should do to make it better”… god I wish I could just reply “I know what to do for MY daughter thanks”
Look, I'm sorry to say but you are being utterly ridiculous and you sound quite passive aggressive and patronising toward your MIL, with, all due respect, does have more knowledge of raising children. That's just a fact of life.
Cooled, boiled water is in no way 'dangerous' and is recommended in the Summer months for hydration.
Again, nappy rash is not caused by the wrong size nappy, and trying to asign blame to your MIL for having a nappy one size to small is in any fact ridiculous. Nappy rash happens, sometimes out of the blue, sometimes from a nappy being left on too long. I'm not sure how you have even managed to come to the conclusion that a nappy one size too small caused nappy rash?!
I seems like you are in competition to try and prove you know more and your care is far superior.
You will push what seems like a MIL who is willing to help and care for your DD away. If you're able to swallow your pride I would suggest strongly apologising for your behaviour and stop trying to accuse MIL of neglectful care.
Just don't ask her to look after your child then!
Cooled boiled water is not dangerous at all and a slightly small nappy does not give nappy rash.
Also whilst the odd thing has changed in recent years, a lot has not... you are a new, inexperienced mum so don't be so convinced you know everything and try listening to those with more experience! You don't have to take her advise but you also don't have to be so immature! Just reply with "thanks, i might try that" and she will be happy she helped even if you didn't take that advise.
I am so glad I had a great relationship with my mil when I had my first! She taught me a lot!
Look, I'm sorry to say but you are being utterly ridiculous and you sound quite passive aggressive and patronising toward your MIL, with, all due respect, does have more knowledge of raising children. That's just a fact of life.
Cooled, boiled water is in no way 'dangerous' and is recommended in the Summer months for hydration.
Again, nappy rash is not caused by the wrong size nappy, and trying to asign blame to your MIL for having a nappy one size to small is in any fact ridiculous. Nappy rash happens, sometimes out of the blue, sometimes from a nappy being left on too long. I'm not sure how you have even managed to come to the conclusion that a nappy one size too small caused nappy rash?!
I seems like you are in competition to try and prove you know more and your care is far superior.
You will push what seems like a MIL who is willing to help and care for your DD away. If you're able to swallow your pride I would suggest strongly apologising for your behaviour and stop trying to accuse MIL of neglectful care.
Absolutely THIS!
I understand everyone has to follow rules when it comes to babies, but some people don't appreciate the help they get. I wished I had a MIL to help out with my kids.
Seriously there are some monster MILs out there and this isn't one of them. If you don't like her then admit you don't like her. Don't hide behind the wellbeing of your child as a reason for being petty.
It is advised by the NHS, that if you have a formula fed baby they are to have cooled boiled water between feeds for hydration esp in warmer weather. It is advised that breastfed babies shouldn't need extra water. It is not considered dangerous though.. don't know where you got it's dangerous from unless she used water straight from tap or bottled water with a newborn.
A nappy size will not make a rash appear... teething, viral infections, being sat in soiled nappy too long, different nappy brand or nappy cream can all cause a rash.
Your poor MIL!!!
You do indeed sound ungrateful and it’s very clear that you hate the woman. She provides fantastic care for her grandchild and all you can do is point score and blame her for entirely blameless things!
A nappy one size too small does NOT cause nappy rash!!! She could be teething, getting poorly, been left in a wet nappy too long etc. Furthermore, nappy rash doesn’t just appear 5 minutes after taking off a nappy…it can take days to appear so it’s highly likely the nappy rash was caused while in YOUR care, it just showed while she was with your MIL.
Also cooled boiled water is fine what on earth are you talking about!?
Stop finding any and everything to blame your MIL for because it’s utterly ridiculous. If your plan is to isolate your child then you’re doing a great job because I’d simply have stopped looking after the child by now just so I didn’t have to deal with you. And your poor husband/partner having to be forced into the middle because of your behaviour too… perhaps you could see a counsellor for your postnatal OCD and control issues? Or there are online courses for emotional intelligence and self awareness that you might find useful? No idea the costs but counselling you can get a referral from your GP and it’s free.
Best of luck, and I hope you can repair the damage you’ve caused. Perhaps you could go round there with flowers and a gift xx
I was advised by my midwife not give my LO water until at least 6 month unless they were constipated and then should only be a teaspoon or two.
This is an article about water intoxication so this maybe why Jess considers it dangerous:
Another very serious risk of giving babies water before they’re ready is water intoxication .
Hold the front door. Water — toxic?
Absolutely. In fact, water can be toxic to anyone if drunk in large quantities. But unsurprisingly, “large” is very relative to size and age here. An adult with healthy kidneys, for example, would have to drink several liters in a short period of time to get to the point of water intoxication.
That said, it does happen to people, particularly soldiers and athletes, who tend to be in situations where they can become dehydrated quickly and then overcompensate.
In short, when the kidneys are given more water than they can handle, the excess water ends up in your bloodstream. This dilutes the fluid in your bloodstream and lowers the concentration of important electrolytes, like sodium. Too much dilution and you’re at risk for hyponatremia , which literally means too little ( hypo ) salt in the blood ( natremia ).
And baby kidneys can’t handle as much water as adult kidneys — not by a long shot. In addition to being much smaller than an adult’s kidneys, a baby’s kidneys are also not as developed. So they can’t process as much water at a time.
So giving a baby younger than 6 months even a moderate amount of water in a short period of time can lead to hyponatremia, which at its most dangerous can cause brain swelling and even death. In fact, because the brain is still developing as well, the swelling can happen more easily in an infant with hyponatremia than in an adult with hyponatremia.
I know it's hard when someone else keeps telling you how to do things with your baby, when your instincts have kicked in and you do your utmost best for her. My MIL though she can tell me how to do things since she's got 2 children and the way she raised then was that she gave her daughter chocolate at 2 months old, her son fruit juices at 3 months old, was giving them watered down yoghurt and pig's fat on their bum so she wouldn't have to touch their nappy at night and they wouldn't have rash. Day 5 after hospital she wouldn't let me loft my daughter from her crib when she was hungry, because "she needs to stay down 3 hours" even though she knew LO lost 10.1% of her birth weight and we were feeding on demand.
When you encounter a person, you know has done many mistakes and they are trying to tell you how to do it as if you were stupit it sucks so bad! Especially if you can't avoid them as they are now close family.
If I were you, I'd pick my battles. Is she really giving you bad/potentionally harmful advice? Or does she maybe want to show that she is a granny that can be trusted/is speaking from experience?
There might be many reasons why it might seem wrong, intrusive or pushy, but might be worth taking a step back and trying to see it with fresh eyes.
I really wish you best of luck and I hope it works out for you and you can enjoy your little daughter growing in peace ❤️.
I was advised by my midwife not give my LO water until at least 6 month unless they were constipated and then should only be a teaspoon or two.
This is an article about water intoxication so this maybe why Jess considers it dangerous:
Another very serious risk of giving babies water before they’re ready is water intoxication .
Hold the front door. Water — toxic?
Absolutely. In fact, water can be toxic to anyone if drunk in large quantities. But unsurprisingly, “large” is very relative to size and age here. An adult with healthy kidneys, for example, would have to drink several liters in a short period of time to get to the point of water intoxication.
That said, it does happen to people, particularly soldiers and athletes, who tend to be in situations where they can become dehydrated quickly and then overcompensate.
In short, when the kidneys are given more water than they can handle, the excess water ends up in your bloodstream. This dilutes the fluid in your bloodstream and lowers the concentration of important electrolytes, like sodium. Too much dilution and you’re at risk for hyponatremia , which literally means too little ( hypo ) salt in the blood ( natremia ).
And baby kidneys can’t handle as much water as adult kidneys — not by a long shot. In addition to being much smaller than an adult’s kidneys, a baby’s kidneys are also not as developed. So they can’t process as much water at a time.
So giving a baby younger than 6 months even a moderate amount of water in a short period of time can lead to hyponatremia, which at its most dangerous can cause brain swelling and even death. In fact, because the brain is still developing as well, the swelling can happen more easily in an infant with hyponatremia than in an adult with hyponatremia.
Well said
Well said
There’s definitely been a big change in recent years about babies. Years ago they encourage weaning from 4 months, now it’s 6 months. You could make bottles up and store in the fridge, now they advise against this. Cool boiled water use to be okay to give babies, now they say not to give water to babies, so she’s probably going on advice given by the midwives.
Although I do agree with other people that a nappy that’s one size down will not give nappy rash, if you’re not happy that MIL isn’t caring for your baby the way you like then ask someone else to care for your baby.
Well said
Sorry I’m a newbie here I didn’t mean to directly reply to you 🤦♀️
Sorry I’m a newbie here I didn’t mean to directly reply to you 🤦♀️
It’s all good 😊
Cool boiled water is fine. I had summer babies so they needed water during that first summer as it was so hot.
Nappy rash doesn’t happen because of the size of nappy. It happens because they’ve been sat in a wet nappy for ages or when they’re teething.
sounds you don’t really like your MIL and there’s competition between the two of you.
whilst MILs are sometimes difficult - I’ve had 2 and both weren’t easy to deal with - you have to make the decision of whether her help in looking after your child is worth it.
Tbh, neither of mine offered to ever look after mine and I’m super glad as I would have found it difficult to not say anything.
You're being both daft and ungrateful I'm afraid! Water is not 'dangerous' for babies and nappy rash is not caused by a smaller nappy.
I had 2 babies a year and 5 days apart and had no family or friends to rely on. I would have given anything to have someone who was willing to look after my child(ren), even if only for a few hours. I think you need to count your blessings and be glad that you have someone you can trust with your child. If I was your MIL, I'd be really hurt and offended by your accusations and probably refuse to look after your child again until you'd wised up!