I dont know what to do
6 answers /
Last post: 16/04/2023 at 3:19 pm
- I am in a relationship with a horrible person who changes in an instant . I’ve 2 children one to him and my oldest to a previous relationship he’s 16 he’s going through a tricky time trying drinking thinking he can do what he likes I am worried sick and trying to keep him on the right path so tonight he never came in I contacted his friends and they told me he had been drinking and they had left him at the park . I went along found him and got back and my partner has turned again told me he Is leaving with my daughter and if I tried to come to bed he would cause war in my house tonight then starts sending me texts from the room calling me and my son vile things . I am sitting crying I don’t know what to do I’ve two children and will always be there for them both my daughter was safe tucked up sleeping in bed with him in the house when I left , I am trying my hardest to keep my son safe he’s just making wrong decisions but he’s young . I don’t know what I’ve done wrong tonight to deserve this . I’ve work in a few hours and I can’t even face it . I tried to go up to bed and he wouldn’t let me .
Hi Gemma,
I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sending you gentle hugs this morning, I can hear how upsetting and distressing this is for you. That was an early post today, I'm guessing you haven't slept much last night. How are you feeling this morning?
I'm sorry to hear you don't seem to be getting any support from your partner with your eldest son. It sounds like 'normal teenage' testing behaviour but it is important you feel supported in managing your sons behaviour right now, not attacked. When you speak to your partner about needing his support on this, what is his response? I'll link to an article we published about working together to support your children if this can be of any help at all. Discipline and responsibility - Netmums
Young Minds are a great free support service which aims to help young people and their parents if you would like to connect with them for advice on how to handle these times, YoungMinds | Mental Health Charity For Children And Young People | YoungMinds
How is your relationship in other areas Gemma? Do you feel supported and connected? Self c are is vital at these times, please ensure you take time for yourself to lean out to friends and do things for yourself.
I know your post will resonate with many of our community members here so hopefully they will be along shortly to share their own stories too.
Take care,
Emma
How has your sons relationship with your partner been historically? Do they generally get along or has there been a build up?
I disagree with how your partners handling it all but what’s the background to it? It doesn’t make sense for him to randomly be so irrational
Hey, it sounds like you're having a tough time with your son and I'm sorry it doesn't sound like you are getting the support you could do with from your partner.
It is totally understandable you wanting to try and help your son and at least keep him safe. Hopefully it's a phase and will pass, I think most of us can remember our first experiences with drinking and finding our way through our teenage years.
I don't know if you had thought of it this way, but is it possible your partner feels a bit protective of your child together? Maybe he doesn't want them to be exposed to this kind of behaviour?
Hopefully you will be able to talk about it when you are both calmer and see if you can come up with ideas together x
Your son is a normal teenager, but your partner is not normal. He’s emotionally abusive get rid of him. Who is he to dictate if you can go to bed or not?
You need to leave. He is abusive towards you and it wouldn't surprise me if that is part of the reason your son is drinking. How is the relationship between partner and son otherwise? Regarding your daughter, if he tries and leaves with her, do not hesitate to call the police. He can't just take her and leave and under no circumstances should you delete any of the messages of abuse he has sent you and keep safe any other evidence you may have of his abusive ways as they might come in handy. Have you sat down with your son and calmly asked him why he's been drinking/acting out? Thinking of you and your children. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
