LIFE

Netmums Voices: 'How using a baby bank gave me the confidence to be a mum'

Last modified on Friday 29 November 2019

Former nursery worker Vicky, 37, lives in London with her daughter Isla, 2. After splitting with her partner when Isla was two months old, Vicky found support, baby supplies and a job at Little Village, a charity that provides free baby clothes and equipment, donated by local families, to parents in need.

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I first came to hear about Little Village when I was pregnant with Isla and a midwife referred me.

I was having problems with her dad and was worried I wouldn’t be able to afford any of the baby things we were going to need. Rent and everything is so expensive in London and, even though I was working, I was struggling to make ends meet.

The first time I visited Little Village I wasn’t sure what to expect.

I have anxiety, epilepsy and slight depression and was so worried about becoming a mum. It’s never easy to admit you're struggling – whatever your background.

I was a little apprehensive as I’d always provided for myself and this was the first time I’d had to ask for help. It was hard admitting that I needed extra support, but I just went for it. I’m so glad I did.

Everyone was so friendly and understanding and that made the whole experience much easier.

When I first came to Little Village, they gave me bundles of baby clothes and equipment and said: ‘Come back in three months’ time’.

I finally felt like I could relax. A huge weight had been taken off my shoulders as I knew I could give my baby the things she would need.

Accepting help

I didn’t get any negative comments from friends about visiting Little Village. I didn’t really talk to that many people about it, but I think most people would understand why I needed the help.

I know some people would feel embarrassed about using a baby bank, but once you've been in and seen what it’s like, and how welcoming it is, you soon get over that. The staff and volunteers are there to help, not judge, so I’d say just go for it.

Many of the families who get help from Little Village come back to return the items they’ve taken once they no longer need them, so they can be used again by another family.

'I got pregnant with Isla when I was in a relationship and working, but life can take unexpected turns.'

Going out on my own

The way I see it, there are times when you need help, and times when you can offer help – I’ve been in both of those situations at Little Village.

You sometimes hear people saying: ‘Why do you need to rely on a baby bank?’. I always say, don’t judge unless you know the full story.

I got pregnant with Isla when I was in a relationship and working, but life can take unexpected turns. I never imagined I'd need to use a baby bank to help me prepare for the birth of my child but that's the situation I found myself in and now, I wouldn't change it.

I worked at a nursery until I was nine months’ pregnant – the latest date I could – but I didn’t go back because after I had Isla, my anxiety really kicked in.

Then, when she was two months’ old, I made the decision to leave her dad.

He was treating me badly and I felt like he was prioritising his own needs over mine and his new daughter's. There were times when he’d just sit there and say ‘I can’t be bothered to go to work’.

I’d say, ‘we’ve got a baby to look after now', but it never made any difference.

The turning point was when I came home after being away for the weekend. He seemed surprised and said: ‘You’re home early’.

I went into the house and found things that I shouldn’t, there were personal items that didn’t belong to me and I had a suspicion of what he’d been up to.

I didn’t know how to react – I just looked at Isla and started crying.

'I went from being someone who used Little Village to being a volunteer for them.'

I had a chat with one of the volunteers at Little Village and thought, ‘I can do this on my own, I don’t need him’.

If I hadn’t had Little Village, I would probably have stayed. Yes, they gave me baby clothes and equipment, but they also gave me the confidence to realise I could bring up Isla on my own. Coming here and hearing everyone else’s stories, I didn’t feel so alone.

Now, Isla and I live in a small studio flat. As it's just one room, I move it around a lot to make it feel comfortable and new but it’s not easy.

Because it’s a studio, we both have to sleep in the same room so, when Isla goes to sleep, sometimes I have go to sleep, too.

Although it's small, I’m proud that we have somewhere to call home and I’ve come out of this situation stronger.

A new career

After I'd left Isla's dad, I went from being someone who used Little Village to being a volunteer for them after joining their Storytelling group.

Storytelling brings together single parents who are having problems. Many of us have low confidence but we sit in a circle and talk. Each week we're given a different task to boost our confidence and we've all been told to keep a diary.

It was one of the people who helped run the group that suggested I volunteer. At first my confidence was still so low that I was too terrified I'd get it wrong but then I thought, ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’

It’s a few hours out of my day, it gets me out of the house and it helps with my anxiety and depression. Now I'm doing it every week.

After I’d been volunteering for a while, Little Village offered me a job. It’s 9-12 on a Tuesday, looking after children in the crèche while their parents volunteer. I don’t earn a fortune but it’s enough for me to be able to do stuff with Isla.

Even more recently, Little Village helped me out of a very tricky situation.

I was having some issues with Isla’s dad who was being difficult about his access to her. It really got me down and, although I tried not to cry in front of Isla, there were days when she'd see me upset. She would put her arm around me and say, ‘Don’t cry, Mummy’ and then wipe a tear away.

I met with a volunteer from Citizens Advice at Little Village and she gave me loads of support and really helped me with lots of the issues I was experiencing.

It's hard to believe how much this place has given me. What started as baby stuff turned into a job which has helped my confidence no end. They are better than doctors!

If I went to my GP and start crying, they'd just offer me antidepressants. But here, a place I came because I was struggling financially, I have felt listened to and cared for.

Little Village has even helped me with my anxiety. Before I started working here I would often get a tight chest, feel shaky and have really bad headaches. I used to shut myself away but now I go for a walk, do breathing exercises and tell people that it’s kicking off so I might be a bit quiet.

It’s been much better recently because I’m feeling happier.

Little Village is like a foodbank, but for clothes, toys and equipment for babies and children up to the age of five.

Local families donate items, which are passed on to families who have been referred via a network of partners like health visitors, children’s centres and midwives. It is London-based and has sites in Wandsworth, Camden and Southwark.

If you would like to help Little Village to support the growing numbers of families it sees, please visit their website .

There are around 100 baby banks across the UK.

If I could tell a woman like me three things ...

1. Don’t keep anything in. let it all out.

2. You need to stay strong for your kids.

3. You’re the role model now. You need to show your kids the right way.

The parent like me I look up to is …

My mum.

She's been through a lot in her past and she’s very strong.

She’s got rheumatoid arthritis and has had a few falls but she never seems to stop fighting. I hope I can be as strong as she is.

What I've learnt from my situation …

Don’t dwell on your problems. It’s just not worth it.

Look at your kids, they don’t even think about their problems; they just cry for a minute and let it go.

Have you ever used a baby bank? Chat about it in our forum thread below.

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